THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 99% Talking Snake Energy When the Almighty gives a warning, the serpent contradicts Him, and the universe sides with the reptile. This is not a drill. This is Genesis. By:   Professor Quilliam Quibblethorpe,  Senior Editor for Edenic Shenanigans & Divine Fine Print, The WTF Global Times 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky — NOT profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… at which point we all hide in fig leaves. A 3,000-year-old theological plot twist hiding in plain sight. THE ORIGINAL “WHO LIED?” MYSTERY OF HUMAN HISTORY 1. The Case File: Eden vs. The Talking Snake Lawyers were not present in Eden. But if they had been, someone would’ve immediately filed: “YHWH v. Serpent: A Truthfulness Inquiry.” Because the data is shocking: God says: Eat the fruit = death that day. Serpent says: Eat the fruit = you’ll be fine, and you’ll get smarter. What happen...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 97% Confused Prophets & Reunited Skeletons Ezekiel 37, Jesus, the Missing David 2.0, and 1800 Years of Christian “Wait, What?” By: Professor Quilliam Quibblethorpe,  Senior Editor for Prophetic Misfires & Sacred Plot Twists, The WTF Global Times 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky,  not  profanity.  Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... then we all panic and run. A deep investigative journey into one of the Bible’s most misused, misunderstood, retrofitted, post 1948 rebranded “prophecies” - now repackaged for modern Messianic marketing. 1. THE BONES THAT LAUNCHED A THOUSAND SERMONS Ezekiel 37. The Valley of Dry Bones. The dramatic resurrection scene where skeletons snap, crackle, pop their way back into national service like undead conscript labour. For centuries, everyone treated it exactly as what the text openly presents: A national restor...