◈Did the Dinosaurs Speak Tamil? And Other Burning Questions From the Subcontinent...
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Sanskrit Died a Noble Death. Tamil Took a Bath, Got Back to Work!
By: The WTF Global Times Editorial Board
WTF Chronicle | July 2025 Edition
Vedic Versus Very Vocal Tamils
The war over who spoke first in ancient India has flared up again, this time in the digital battlefield of Reddit forums, WhatsApp forwards, and Quora answers that end with more fire than a Tamil movie climax.
The core issue?
Whether Tamil or Sanskrit (specifically Vedic Sanskrit) is the oldest language of India—or perhaps the oldest anywhere, full stop.
Sprinkle in some submerged cities, academic gaslighting, Dravidian nationalism, and Aryan counter-trolling, and you've got yourself a spicy WTF masala.
Now, President Trump, in his third term of golf diplomacy and random historical shoutouts, recently tweeted (in all caps, naturally):
“TAMIL IS A GREAT LANGUAGE. THEY SAY IT'S VERY OLD. SOME SAY OLDER THAN THE VEDAS. I DON’T KNOW. BUT I DO KNOW FAKE NEWS STARTED WITH THE ARYANS! SAD!”
And thus, the cultural war was renewed—again.
Scene One: The Rig and the Rage
Let’s begin with what everyone can agree on: the Rigveda is old. Very old. Allegedly composed between 1500 and 1000 BCE. That is, unless you believe the fringe-turned-mainstream Vedic astronomer TikTokers who peg it at 10,000 BCE because "the stars said so."
But here’s the academic catch: there is no archaeological evidence that it was written before 500 BCE. It was orally transmitted—like your grandfather's stories of being a freedom fighter and a British spy.
Tamil, meanwhile, throws Tholkappiyam into the ring. The oldest surviving Tamil grammar, claimed to be written anywhere from 1500 BCE to 500 BCE, or possibly telepathically composed during Lemurian yoga conferences under the sea.
Nobody agrees.
Still, if Tholkappiyar was Agastya's disciple, and Agastya appears in the Rigveda, then who plagiarized whom?
Answer: probably both, but in a respectful, ancient-civilization way.
Scene Two: Sangams and Sunken Cities
One of the most quoted reasons for the "gap" in Tamil literature between 1500 BCE and 400 BCE is the mythical Kadalkol deluge—a tsunami-type flood that allegedly sank the first Madurai along with thousands of palm leaf manuscripts and every ounce of chill Tamil Twitter could have had.
Meanwhile, Vedic Sanskrit took shelter in gurukuls and hid behind the phrase "oral tradition," a term that roughly translates to "please don’t ask for written evidence."
Is Keezhadi the smoking gun? Excavations there have unearthed urban settlements and inscriptions dating back to at least 500 BCE, some say 800 BCE.
And the script?
Proto-Tamil, according to Tamil nationalist archaeologists. Brahmi, say the Delhi academics. "Tamizhi," say the woke YouTubers. "Fake," say random angry accounts with Hanuman as their profile pic.
Meanwhile, no one has found a Rigveda in a cave.
Scene Three: Gods, Scripts, and Cultural Hacks
Sanskrit had Indra, Agni, and Varuna. Tamil had Mayon, Seyon, and Kadalon. Later, both merged in a linguistic Avengers team-up under something called "Hinduism."
Tamils say Murugan is the original god. North Indians say he's Kartikeya with a southern vacation house. Everyone agrees that temple architecture, bronze Natarajas, and classical music are amazing, but the Vedas still can't explain why Tamil has the letter 'ழ' (zh).
Also, Tamil gods come with GPS coordinates, family trees, and musical instruments.
Vedic gods mostly yell a lot and demand soma.
Scripts?
Tamil script evolved with fire and flair. Sanskrit kept switching scripts like Netflix shows. It went from Sharada to Nagari to Devanagari, depending on what the priests were high on.
Some even claim Sanskrit borrowed Tamil phonemes, then denied the loan.
Scene Four: Political Linguistics — or, The Tower of Bhashas
Let’s be honest. Most of this debate has little to do with actual linguistics and more with:
Dravidian pride
Aryan defensiveness
Colonial confusion
Politicians trying to distract from rising tomato prices
British missionaries dated the Rigveda to 1500 BCE to fit the Bible timeline.
Indian academics tried to push the date further back to win debates with Germans.
Tamil nationalists say Tholkappiyam is older than Gilgamesh. Atheists just want everyone to read Ambedkar and chill.
In the middle of this epistemological civil war, school kids are still forced to read both Rigveda hymns and Thirukkural couplets while trying to figure out why their exams are in Hindi!
Scene Five: Archaeology vs WhatsApp University
Real archaeologists cautiously date inscriptions.
WhatsApp scholars:
Say dinosaurs spoke proto-Tamil.
Claim Sanskrit was invented by Buddhists who borrowed Tamil vocabulary.
Insist Brahmi was a corruption of Tamizhi because Brahmins can’t pronounce ‘ழ’.
Meanwhile, actual data shows Tamil inscriptions from 3rd century BCE, Sanskrit ones from 2nd century BCE.
But no one wants data when rage gets more retweets.
Epilogue: WTF Final Thoughts
So who wins? Who spoke first? Who wrote first? Who sang first?
Answer: It doesn't matter. But since you're still here, here’s what we think:
Tamil is likely the oldest living language still in use.
Sanskrit is the oldest codified ceremonial language with a grammar system.
Both are deeply interwoven in Indian history, culture, and politics.
Twitter will never stop fighting over it.
And as President Trump said in a recent Instagram Live Q&A with a confused Chennai translator:
"They tell me Thiruvalluvar was great. Better than Plato. Huge beard. Very wise. Probably a Republican."
Final Verdict: Everyone chill. It's just language. Not cryptocurrency.
Comments Section:
@Karikalan_The_RealOne: If Rigveda is so old, why no Rigveda memes in Sangam texts? Checkmate, Aryans.
@Sanskrit_Supremacy777: Tamil Brahmi? More like Tamil Brag-mi. Cry harder, Dravidoids.
@KeezhadiKid: We found your Vedas under our septic tank. Come collect.
@Trump_Kutty2025: I'm starting a University of Thirukkural Studies. First course: Covfefe in Classical Tamil.
@NewtonWasTamil: Also Jesus went to Kerala. Newton meditated in Madurai. It's all connected. WAKE UP.
Stay tuned for our next exposé: "Did Jesus Actually Preach in Tamil During His Missing Years?"
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