THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Hormones: 110% Activated Why India's Supreme Court Is Debating Whether Romeo Should Be Locked Up for Loving Juliet (Age 17½) By: Legal Lassi & Hormonal Havoc Correspondent, J.D. Hormonewala 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or CBSE starts printing it in Biology textbooks. ACT ONE: PUBERTY VS. PARLIAMENT Once upon a time, in a country obsessed with engineering exams and cricket scores, a strange and confusing question fell into the lap of the highest court in the land: Should two 17-year-olds who fall in love, kiss under a tree, fumble awkwardly, and then share some consensual teenage intimacy… be treated as sexual criminals? According to India’s Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO) , the answer was: “Yes, absolutely. Now go to jail.” But now, in a dramatic twist worthy of a courtroom soap oper...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 13.77 Billion Degrees Kelvin 👁️‍🗨️  This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. What if the Universe Never Began… and Trump Just Discovered It at Mar-a-Lago? By: Theoretical Physicist Turned Satirical Evangelist, Dr. Quirk Quasarlight “Before the universe began, there was no time. Then I was elected in 2016. Time restarted. You're welcome.” — President Donald J. Trump , speaking to astrophysicists at NASA, uninvited. The Boom Before the Bang Once upon a no-time , there was nothing , which is exactly the kind of thing people get tenure for talking about. The Big Bang theory tells us that the universe started 13.8 billion years ago, give or take a few milliseconds and a lot of Nobel Prizes. But here’s the WTF twist: What if it didn’t start at all? What if, in true Trumpian fashion, the universe was just always here, squ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diagnosed by a Glove Wearing AI,  Neurodivergent & Proud 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. AI Detects Autism and ADHD in 15 Minutes — Because Who Has Time for Doctors Anymore? By: Dr. NeuroTik Tok, PhD (Honorary, self-issued) Move over stethoscope.  Move over Freud.  Move over that one school counselor who said you had “gifted potential” while you were licking a doorknob.  Because here comes the future of neurodevelopmental diagnosis — and it’s wearing a sensor-glove that sees your inner dysfunction before your mother even does. In a breakthrough so fast it might actually beat your attention span, researchers from Indiana University School of Medicine have developed an artificial intelligence (AI) tool that can detect ADHD and autism in just 15 minutes with a 70% accuracy rate — which is...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Electron Transfer Mayhem.   Breathe responsibly. 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Why Humans Don’t Breathe Hydrogen, Even Though It’s the Universe’s Costco Free Sample By: Dr. Shiv O'Plasm, Ph.D. in WTF Biology & Sacred Oxygenism For millennia, humans have looked up at the stars, seen hydrogen blazing across the cosmos, and asked the deepest, most profound question of all:  “Bro, if hydrogen is everywhere , why do we breathe oxygen like absolute chumps?” This query has confounded high school students, podcast conspiracy theorists, Flat Earthers, and at least one uncle at every Indian wedding for centuries. Well, fear not. The team at WTF Global Times has journeyed through dusty biology textbooks, ancient Vedic chants, and Reddit science threads to bring you the truth: Oxygen is not optional...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Brain Chips, Byte-Sized Dictators, and Communist Cyborgs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. From Lou Gehrig to Xi Jinping—The Global Race to Read Your Mind (Whether You Like It or Not) By: Dr. Neural Nayyar , Senior WTF Correspondent for Biohacking, Byte Politics & Electro-Satire WTF?   It’s 2025. Donald Trump is president of the United States again. Twitter has collapsed into a pile of emojis and misinformation. Iran has AI that can detect bad hijabs. And now, both China and America are implanting chips into people’s heads to literally read their thoughts. Welcome to the dawn of the Neuro-Cold War —brought to you by the Beinao-1 chip, Elon Musk’s Neuralink, and a terrifying amount of Chinese government funding. If the Cold War was about nukes, and the current conflict is about semiconductors, this one’...

🗞️ WTF Global Times  Special Feature | July 2025 Edition By Our Editorial Board |  WTF Religion and Heresy 👁️‍🗨️  This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it.   Newton the Heretic!  Isaac Newton, that apple-fearing, calculus-summoning, gravity-obsessed Englishman, also spent his evenings deciphering the Book of Revelation, decoding the date of the Second Coming, and quietly rejecting Christianity’s most sacred dogma. Not sin, not Satan, not seafood—no, Newton said “Nah” to the Trinity. And he had to keep it a secret. Because, in 17th-century Cambridge, denying the Trinity could get you burnt at stake. Or worse—turned into Anglican foie gras. Welcome to yet another edition of WTF Religion and Heresy , brought to you by a nation where Trump is President again, quantum evangelicals are a thing, and half of TikTok is arguing over whether Jesus was secretly a mushroom. But l...