THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Cloak, Dagger & Diplomatic Biryani When Tehran plays James Bond, dissidents disappear and journalists start sleeping in IKEA closets By: Imam Bond & Chutzpah Chatterjee | Senior Editors, Espionage, Satire & Sabotage 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless Khamenei starts subtweeting Mossad again. From Belgium to Birmingham, Tehran’s new travel package offers “one-way tickets to Evin Prison.” Add in Trump, TikTok terror alerts, and Israel’s disappearing embassies — and you’ve got a WTF stew only 2025 could cook. WHEN DIPLOMATIC PASSPORTS MEET DEATH SQUADS In what sounds like a rejected Jack Ryan episode, Iran has been accused by 14 countries — led by the United States under President Trump — of deploying hitmen, smugglers, and glorified Uber drivers to kidnap and kill exiled journalists, politicians, Jews, feminists, TikTok influencers, an...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One mass grave away from total civilizational breakdown Dalits, devotions, and decomposing bodies — Welcome to Dharmasthala, where the real horror wasn’t the sermons but what lay six feet under. By: N. Shovel Ready | Senior Exhumer, WTF Crime Beat 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or unless Karnataka politics finds its way to an HBO crime docu-series. INTRO If Agatha Christie had collaborated with Indian bureaucracy and caste apartheid, she’d probably invent a place like Dharmasthala. But unfortunately, this isn’t fiction — it’s an 800-year-old temple town with allegedly enough buried secrets to rival a Chinese real estate company’s accounting department. For decades, thousands visited Dharmasthala for blessings, peace, and free mid-day meals. Unbeknownst to them, some visitors never made it back — especially i...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Latex-Free Mayhem USAID is dead, the pills are toast, and France just became the world’s most expensive incinerator By: Lucille “Plan B” Babcock 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or unless your condoms get deported by Air Force One. HOW TO SET A FIRE TO GLOBAL FAMILY PLANNING, 2025 EDITION In what might be the most expensive barbecue of the year, $10 million worth of U.S.-funded contraceptives —intended to prevent poverty, unwanted pregnancies, and large-scale teen dramas in the Global South—are now scheduled to go up in flames. In France. Literally. By order of President Donald J. Trump , the man who once said “we’re gonna make sex great again, but only for the married folks in Nebraska.” Stored in Belgium since early 2025, the USAID-funded shipment of birth control pills and implants has now become the ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Hormones: 110% Activated Why India's Supreme Court Is Debating Whether Romeo Should Be Locked Up for Loving Juliet (Age 17½) By: Legal Lassi & Hormonal Havoc Correspondent, J.D. Hormonewala 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or CBSE starts printing it in Biology textbooks. ACT ONE: PUBERTY VS. PARLIAMENT Once upon a time, in a country obsessed with engineering exams and cricket scores, a strange and confusing question fell into the lap of the highest court in the land: Should two 17-year-olds who fall in love, kiss under a tree, fumble awkwardly, and then share some consensual teenage intimacy… be treated as sexual criminals? According to India’s Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO) , the answer was: “Yes, absolutely. Now go to jail.” But now, in a dramatic twist worthy of a courtroom soap oper...

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Brainwashed but Literate An Islamist Manifesto Disguised as Literature Is Radicalizing the Book Clubs of Gaza and Getting 5 Stars on Goodreads By: Gutter von Inkstain, Senior Narrative Deconstructionist & Middle East Fictional Realities Correspondent 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or the NYT decides it’s literature. CHAPTER 1: “Once Upon a Time in Cell Block Jihad” Yahya Sinwar, Gaza’s most wanted man and the brain behind the October 7 Hamas massacre, has a second identity that’s somehow more disturbing than “terror mastermind”: novelist. Yes, in 2004, while cooling his heels in an Israeli prison, Sinwar penned a literary gem called “The Thorn and the Carnation.” Spoiler alert: the carnation doesn’t survive. What appears on the surface to be an emo, semi-political prison novella turns out to be a p...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Fried, Stacked, and Stuffed in a Tennis Ball Tube Pringles,  42% Potato. 100% Mystery. A Snack So Processed Even the Trinity Was Less Complicated. By: Crispin Tater & Staxxon L. Layz, WTF Snack Bureau Chiefs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it—or unless someone tries to define a hamburger without bloodshed. The Snack That Dared to Lie They’re stacked, seductive, and scream “once you pop, the truth might drop.” Welcome to the story of Pringles —the snack formerly known as “not technically a chip.” Because in the deepest corridors of food court theology and international tax courts, this crispy icon has a dark secret: Pringles are made of regret, glue, and only 42% potato. Yes, that’s right.  That perfectly uniform “chip” in your mouth was never really sliced from a spud . It was extruded , pasted , ...