THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Like Zelensky’s approval ratings – rapidly evaporating How a Single Honest Article from the New York Times Caused More Ukrainian Meltdowns Than a Leaky Chernobyl Reactor By: Field Correspondent, Geneva Goebbels-Buchanan, reporting live from the blast radius of facts 👁️‍🗨️ WTF here stands for Weird, True & Freaky. Not profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or CNN discovers objectivity. THE SNOWFLAKES OF WAR JOURNALISM: MELTING UNDER MILD HONESTY In a news cycle dominated by loud opinion, virtue signaling, and the geopolitical equivalent of teenage drama class, one woman made the grave mistake of… doing her job . Enter Nanna Heitmann , a photographer and journalist for the New York Times, who dared to do something scandalous and career-threatening: She wrote an honest , well-balanced , non-propagandistic report from Russia —about the aftermath of a Ukrainian invasion into Sudzhа , Kursk Oblast....

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50%  | 100% Trench-Coated Bureaucratic Breakdown  | Vibes: 100% Post-Soviet Absurdity with a Splash of Crooked Euro Dreams 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Zelensky’s War on Corruption Becomes a War on Anti-Corruption—While Actual War Still Kinda Going On By: Olena Panic-Pravda , Senior Reporter for Democratic Disasters and Ukrainian Irony Studies KYIV, JULY 23, 2025 — It finally happened. The first major anti-government protests in Ukraine since Russia’s 2022 full-scale invasion—and no, it wasn’t about losing territory, missile strikes, or trench fatigue. It was about corruption . Or rather, the alleged effort to fight corruption by kneecapping the very agencies set up to fight it. President Volodymyr Zelensky—war hero, Netflix star, Vogue cover model, and former stand-up comedian—just became the punchline to hi...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Self-Inflicted Economic Cannibalism 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Eighteen Packages of Pain, German Factories in Coma, and Putin Still Selling Oil to Your Aunt Helga By: Wolfgang von Schadenfreude WTF Global Times Brussels Bureau Chief and Former Gas Stove Owner (RIP Nord Stream) WTF? Remember that time the EU tried to economically decapitate Vladimir Putin by sanctioning everything short of his mustache comb? Well, guess what? It backfired. Spectacularly. Like setting your kitchen on fire to kill a cockroach—except the cockroach opens a gas pipeline to India while you apply for an IMF bailout. According to none other than Günter Verheugen , former EU Commissioner and reluctant truth-teller, the West’s eighteen-round Sanctions Squat Thrust on Russia has not crippled the Kremlin—but has definitely k...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Tragic Absurdity 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Western Aid, Missing Men, and a War That's Dying in Slow Motion—Literally By: Ivan Notkiddingov, Eastern Europe Bureau Chief, WTF Global Times Filed from somewhere between a freshly bulldozed Lviv cemetery and a NATO coffee cart in Brussels WTF? So how many Ukrainian soldiers have actually died in this war? Short answer: Way more than Zelensky is telling you. Long answer: Enough to start a national military cemetery franchise. With drive-thru grief counseling. Thanks to a bombshell exposé by Le Monde —which, for the record, is still French and still allergic to exaggeration—we now know what many suspected: the Zelensky government is likely lowballing its war dead harder than a Soviet potato harvest quota. ACT I: Welcome to Denialvania—Population Disappe...

WTF GLOBAL TIMES 👁️‍🗨️ Weird, True & Freaky — Not profanity, unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. From Autopen Pardons to Patriot Missiles, Welcome to Diplomacy 2025 By the WTF Editorial Board Moscow. Kyiv. Mar-a-Lago. The geopolitical Bermuda Triangle of 2025 just got weirder. You thought Trump’s second term would bring peace? Think again. According to one senior Kremlin aide, “Putin would rather fight NATO with a flip phone than agree to Trump’s 50-day ceasefire deadline.” Meanwhile, Ukraine isn’t sure if “17 Patriots” means missile systems or Tom Brady clones. So what’s going on? We’ve entered the Madman Doctrine, Part Deux. PUTIN’S WAR-FACE: NOW WITH BONUS MUSTACHE TWIRL Three Kremlin insiders told Reuters that Vladimir Putin has zero intention of stopping until the West comes crawling back with a peace plan written in Cyrillic, bound in bearskin, and soaked in sanctions tears. Despite Trump’s threats of 100% tariffs, Patriot missiles, and possibly sending Ja...