THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Tariffed Trump Slaps 50% Tariffs on India for Buying Oil and Being Too BRICS-y By:  Manju Venkateswarananda, PhD in Geopolitical Astrology & Masala Market Metrics 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it or Modi meditates in CAPS LOCK. In an international diplomatic maneuver that smelled suspiciously like overcooked biryani, President Donald J. Trump — now in his second coming as the Commander-in-Tweet — launched a full-blown trade cannonball at India by hiking tariffs to 50% on all imports, citing "national interest," "oil betrayal," and "weird vibes from BRICS." The executive order, which was written in Sharpie on a Mar-a-Lago steakhouse menu, was announced during Trump’s latest “Buy American, Blame Abroad” rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Holding a plastic globe and pointing somewhere ...

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Tandoori-Tariffed Chaos 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. What do you get when you mix crude oil, curry diplomacy, and a spray-tanned populist with a Sharpie? A 50% customs disaster and a Namaste that's now taxable. By:  Chaipatriot Subramaniam, Global Trade Sherpa & Samosa Economics Analyst 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. In an explosive August 6th executive order that sounded like it was typed entirely in capital letters and Fox News metaphors, President Donald J. Trump shocked the world by slapping a 25% tariff increase on all Indian imports , bringing the total duties to 50% — all because India dared to sip the discounted chai of Russian oil. Trump, in typical form,...

 📰 THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES  News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Trade Wars, Tantrums & Tandoori Flames Trump Drops a Trade Nuke on India Over Russian Oil, Then Buys Uranium From Moscow. Modi Responds with Curry, Calm, and Chaos. By: Pundit Patel (WTF South Asia Bureau Chief, Also Moonlights as a WhatsApp Group Admin) *This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. When Donald J. Trump re-entered the White House in January 2025, Indians everywhere cracked open mango lassis in celebration. "At least he hugs Modi," said one optimistic chaiwala. But now, six months into the mango madness, Uncle Don has gone full spicy vindaloo on Delhi—imposing 25% tariffs on Indian exports, threatening more, and blaming India for funding Putin's war machine with extra virgin, Russian-grade crude. "They don't care how many Ukrainians are dying," Trump bellowed from the White House lawn, wearing a...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Tactical Drama, Strategic Dal, and Diplomatic Despair When Uncle Sam lunches with Pakistan, Modi serves dessert in Beijing By: Bhaktistotle & Chai Guevara | Senior Editors, WTF Geopolitics & Khaas-Affairs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless ISPR turns it into a press release. As Trump courts Pakistan’s army chief with biryani and Patriot missiles, India flirts with China over green tea and old border grudges.  Welcome to 2025: where global alliances dissolve faster than paneer in hot curry. WHITE HOUSE BIRYANI & DIPLOMATIC GAS It started with a lunch. Not a war. Not a summit. Not a press conference. Just a good old White House biryani buffet featuring none other than Field Marshal Syed Asim Munir, Pakistan’s military overlord, conspiracy theory connoisseur, and “Supreme Guardian of Denialistan.” The optics? Worse than a WiFi sig...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Weaponized Wheat, Sanctioned Spices, and Screaming Supply Chains The World Caves, Trump Shaves… a Few Billion Off Every Economy Not Named America By: Bernice Crust & Roti D. Rage | Joint Scribes, South Asia Economic Satire Desk 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless Modi tweets it with a folded hands emoji and “Jai Shree Ram.” Donald J. Trump's new foreign policy can be summarized in one word:  “Tariffs” Don’t like it? That’s another tariff. In just six months, Trump has managed to: Cripple the EU with a fossil fuel deal signed under duress. Humiliate Canada into removing its Big Tech tax… and then still taxed their maple syrup. Turn Southeast Asia into a trade hostage zone. Upset Brazil, the Philippines, Indonesia, and his own economic advisors — all in one week. But the real curry hit the fan when Trump turned his golden gaze toward India...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One mass grave away from total civilizational breakdown Dalits, devotions, and decomposing bodies — Welcome to Dharmasthala, where the real horror wasn’t the sermons but what lay six feet under. By: N. Shovel Ready | Senior Exhumer, WTF Crime Beat 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or unless Karnataka politics finds its way to an HBO crime docu-series. INTRO If Agatha Christie had collaborated with Indian bureaucracy and caste apartheid, she’d probably invent a place like Dharmasthala. But unfortunately, this isn’t fiction — it’s an 800-year-old temple town with allegedly enough buried secrets to rival a Chinese real estate company’s accounting department. For decades, thousands visited Dharmasthala for blessings, peace, and free mid-day meals. Unbeknownst to them, some visitors never made it back — especially i...

  🗳️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: RAW Intelligence Meets Bollywood Melodrama Circumcised for the cause, betrayed by bureaucracy. The true, tragic, totally WTF tale of Ravinder Kaushik. By: Tigerbaaba Singh, Chief Field Correspondent for Spies Who Didn’t Come Back 🖊️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or RAW files its expenses in verse. The Spy Who Came In From the Stage Before he was Pakistan's Major Nabi Ahmed Shakir, he was just Ravinder Kaushik, a boy from Sri Ganganagar, Rajasthan. He mimicked politicians for fun, wrote Urdu couplets on the side, and had no idea that his thespian skills would land him in the hall of Indian espionage legends... and then rot him in a Pakistani jail with no exit strategy. In 1973, he joined RAW. By 1975, he wasn't just playing a role—he was the role. He became Muslim, got circumcised, learned fluent Urdu, graduated in ...

 📲 THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Curry, Chaos & Customs Duty Trump Slaps India With Tariffs, Praises Pakistan's Oil, and Triggers Delhi Like a Bollywood Villain with a Trade Spreadsheet By: Swastika Das Sharma, Chief Global Tantrum Correspondent 🚨 This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the WTO starts singing bhajans. Delhi, Meet the Don of Duties On August 1st, 2025, President Donald J. Trump did what he does best: toss diplomacy into a microwave and hit "Popcorn." In a 12-hour tweet storm rivaled only by Shiva’s cosmic dance, Trump announced a 25% tariff on Indian goods. He then accused India of clinging to Russia like it was a Cold War-themed teddy bear, stating: “I don’t care what India does with Russia. They can take their dead economies down together." In Delhi, ministers dropped their chai. South Block scrambled to form a response. Modi blinked thrice. External Affairs scra...