THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Starved, Screamed & Sanctioned Recognize THIS,  Carney ! By: Mullah Buzzfeed al-Bibi, Senior Fellow of Disbelief & Dark Humor 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… again. The Two-State Delusion Hits New Lows — Now with Bonus Starvation Porn! In the latest episode of International Cognitive Dissonance: Deluxe Edition , Canada, the UK, and France—three countries with thriving Starbucks diplomacy—have boldly declared their moral superiority by recognizing a Palestinian state… one day after Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad released two emaciated Israeli hostages on video, looking like they’d just survived a North Korean juice cleanse in a medieval dungeon. Rom Braslavski and Evyatar David, both kidnapped during Hamas’ October 7, 2023 rave-turned-raid, were paraded like haunted scarecrows on terrorist T...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Weaponized Bureaucracy UNRWA You Kidding Me? By: Dr. Venkman al-Faxsheet, Bureau Chief of Global Ironies & Exploding Acronyms 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of:   Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... then we make exceptions. Opening Scene: Imagine a Netflix documentary titled “Refugees of Perpetuity: Season 75.” Now imagine that the cast includes literal terrorists , the production crew is UNRWA , and the series finale features U.S. lawsuits, mass casualties, and legal drama with a Donald Trump cameo . Congratulations. You're not hallucinating. This is 2025. And this is reality. Or as we call it... WTF? Plot Twist: The Refugee Agency That Refused to Graduate It began like most well-meaning bureaucratic nightmares — with good intentions, blue helmets, and an unlimited supply of acronyms. The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for ...

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Bureaucratically Burnt-Out Your tax-funded bedtime story just dropped. Again. 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Welcome to the International House of Paper Cuts In a staggering revelation that shook exactly nobody outside the Secretariat, the United Nations—yes, the same folks who held a three-day summit last year to define the term “urgent”—has admitted that most of its reports go completely unread . That’s right. Buried under a Himalayan pile of glossy PDFs, the UN has officially become the IKEA of international diplomacy: tons of parts, unreadable instructions, and no Allen key for actual solutions. Last Thursday, Secretary-General António Guterres unveiled what may go down in history as the most ironic document ever published by an international body: a report on how nobody reads their reports. “We’re drow...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diplomatic Delusion With a Side of Croissants France Recognizes a Country That Doesn’t Exist—Next Week, Macron Declares Himself the Real Slim Shady By: Basil Falafel & Henri LaGrandeCringe, WTF Bureau of Confused Geopolitics 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or the French try to colonize Gaza with wine and baguettes. Macron, Messiah of the Imaginary Map In a move that stunned realists, confused cartographers, and thrilled Hamas propaganda departments from Doha to Tehran, French President Emmanuel “Oui Did It” Macron just announced that France will recognize a Palestinian state —even though said state doesn’t have borders, a functioning government, or, you know, a country . It's the international relations equivalent of declaring your cat a sovereign entity and demanding UN Security Council voting rights...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Ruthless Desert Vengeance with a Side of Diplomatic Gaslighting Ceasefire’s Dead. Macron’s Confused. And Hamas Billionaires in Doha Might Want to Cancel Brunch. By: Habibi “Boom” Barakat & Carmella Snarkstein, WTF Middle East Bureau 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… then we’ll reconsider our rating system. Hunted Men in Luxury Lobbies It was the most predictable twist in a saga already drenched in explosive irony: Donald J. Trump, 47th President of the United States, just told the world that Hamas leaders “will be hunted down.” The Hamas 5 —a group of bearded billionaires reportedly living in palatial comfort across Doha and Istanbul—might want to start checking under their hotel beds. Because Trump didn’t just walk away from Gaza ceasefire talks. He dropkicked them into the Mediterranean and lit the wrec...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES  News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Unapologetically Trumpy  👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Trump Drops UNESCO Like It’s Hot—Cites Wokeness, Anti-Israel Bias, and Chinese ‘Cultural Colonization’  By: Liberty McFreedom, Senior Satirical Correspondent WTF? - UNESCO, You Don’t Know! In a move so patriotic it made Mount Rushmore blush, President Donald J. Trump—still riding his second-term America First rollercoaster with one hand on the wheel and the other flipping off globalists—has officially yeeted the United States out of UNESCO once again. The reason? “Woke nonsense, anti-Israel propaganda, and suspicious Mandarin accents echoing in every corridor,” according to a 37-tweet thread by the White House press secretary, sent entirely in uppercase. Trump, who first slammed the cultural and educational body during his first term in 2017 and...

 👁️‍🗨️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES Where the facts are real, the jokes are sharper, and the ayatollahs need therapy. 👁️‍🗨️  This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. When Ayatollahs Play SimCity with Real Civilians, and the UN Still Forgets Its Password By the WTF Newsroom Analysis | Satire | Geo-WTF Watch Edition: July 2025 | Trump’s Second Term, Day 195 Bat Yam or Baghdad? Bat Yam, Israel. Once a tranquil coastal suburb known for falafel, beach volleyball, and grumpy old men who yell at pigeons, now has the distinction of being ground zero in a live-fire PowerPoint presentation by the Islamic Republic of Iran. The message? “Screw your Geneva Conventions, here’s 550 ballistic missiles.” Yes, that’s right. In the 12-day hellstorm that was the Israel-Iran war of June 2025, over 550 Iranian missiles were fired, leaving 36 confirmed impact sites and a lot of confused analysts still ...