THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

  📲 THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Hieroglyphic Confusion & Monotheistic Mayhem Why Egypt forgot to tweet about the guy who allegedly turned their rivers to blood By: The Nomadic Editor-In-Chief of WTF Global Times **This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it in cuneiform. The Hieroglyphic Elephant in the Room Let’s begin with the biblical big bang: the Exodus . A mass slave rebellion, ten plagues, divine pyrotechnics, and a Pharaoh reduced to wet sandals. So why do Egyptian records — otherwise obsessed with bragging about brick production and bicep curls — forget to mention any of it? You’d think if your gods lost a wrestling match with a staff-wielding Hebrew wizard, someone would carve it into a wall. Instead, all we get is a single blink-and-you-miss-it reference to "Israel" on the Merneptah Stele , circa 1210 BCE. And even that was more of a subtweet: ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Born in a Manger with Plot Holes The Greatest Story Ever Misaligned—Now With 200% More Census Fraud and Zero Eyewitnesses By: The Holy Editorial Board of WTF Global Times 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or Herod starts fact-checking us. Amen. Or as the Egyptians said: Amun. Gospel Truth or Gospel Goof? Once upon a time in two different versions of Bethlehem—possibly in two different centuries—Jesus was born. That’s it. That’s the headline. The rest is what happens when two Greek-speaking ghostwriters with zero GPS access and competing Messiah marketing strategies decide to wing it for eternity. On one side, we have Matthew , the brooding theologian who channels his inner Moses and weaves a Jewish-themed thriller with Herod, foreign sorcerer-astronomers (the Magi), and an Egyptian exile subplot. On the other s...