THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Sacred Lies & Secret Fries Religion, Rib Rackets & the Curious Case of Invisible Buffalo in Tasmania By: Sausage-Shamed Skeptic at Large ** This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it or halal inspectors start playing bacon roulette. Of Buffalo Lies and Holy Burgers So there I was in a sleepy suburb, munching a suspiciously affordable beef biryani in a local Indian joint. The owner? A turbaned, tikka-smeared man who smiled like he personally domesticated every animal in the Mahabharata. I raised an eyebrow. "Isn’t beef taboo for you?" He grinned like Krishna about to pull a prank: "No sir! Buffalo. Not cow. Totally legal." Now, I’m no zoologist, but I’m reasonably sure Tasmania doesn't have buffalo herds roaming its eucalyptus forests. Unless they’ve been airlifted under cover of night in sacred cargo planes. Ye...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Scandalously Sanctified How the Vatican Dug Up a Skeleton, Declared It Saint Peter, and Called It a Day By: The Tomb Raider of Truth 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Or unless Peter starts blogging from beneath the Basilica. Breaking Faith, One Relic at a Time Rome, 1968. While the rest of the world was busy doing LSD and faking the moon landing (allegedly), the Vatican was excavating something even more psychedelic— bones beneath St. Peter’s Basilica .  After decades of archaeological fumbling and papal sweating, the Church proclaimed:  “Voilà! We found Peter!” Never mind that there were no labels , no ID cards, and certainly no fisherman’s license. All they had was some graffiti that said “Petros eni” —Greek for “Peter is here.” It might as well have said “Kilroy was here.” But when you’re the Catho...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: More confusing than Hebrew vowel points 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or naming their missiles “YHWH-9”. Ancient acronyms, divine censorship, and the religious equivalent of forgetting your own Wi-Fi password. By: Lex Zeblat, Linguistic Heretic, 3-time Tetragrammaton Mispronouncer WTF? What’s four letters long, unpronounceable, considered holy enough to explode your vocal cords, and has caused more internet flame wars than pineapple on pizza? That’s right. The Tetragrammaton . Also known as YHWH . Or YHVH . Or F’Bye , if you’re a sarcastic Quora user with too much time and a thesaurus. According to scholars, scribes, and one guy on Reddit with a digital Dead Sea Scrolls tattoo, this isn’t just any name—it’s the name of God . The unspeakable.  The unwriteable.  The un-Googlesafe.  It’s like Vo...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES Because reality is too boring without a little delusion.  👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. By: The WTF Global Times Neuroscience & Existential Crisis Desk July 2025 | Washington DC | Mind–Body–MAGA Edition BREAKING: Consciousness Still Missing, Last Seen Near the Insula Cortex—Or Maybe at a Meditation Retreat in Oregon. While President Donald J. Trump has once again declared “I have the best brain,” America’s neuroscientists are quietly having a full-blown midlife crisis. Not about Trump—but about their own brains. Or rather, the thing they thought they understood about them: consciousness. After decades of poking electrodes into rodents, pushing undergraduates into MRI tubes, and offering TED Talks with graphics that look like psychedelic jellyfish, researchers are starting to say the quiet part out loud: “We still have no damn clue ...