THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

  📰 THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Explosive (literally) When Journalism Forgets Who the Terrorist Is By: Daphne McCringe, Chief Correspondent for Credulous Weeping & Absurd Rewrites * This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then it’s all gloves off. In what might be the most misguided Pulitzer bid since CNN asked the Taliban for fashion tips, the Associated Press has published a full-length, soft-focus, tear-soaked elegy on Hezbollah members injured by Israel’s exploding pagers .  Titled something like "Hearts, Homes, and Hezbollah: The Tragedy of Terrorists with Burnt Thumbs," the piece attempts to paint rocket-firing militants as misunderstood boy scouts with beepers and bad luck. The article opens with a dramatic image of a Hezbollah "religious teacher" who, while passing on spiritual wisdom to other armed radicals, happened to be holding a pag...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Courtroom Chaos, Billionaire Backstabbing, and Trump's Glorious Hair A Wall Street Joust, a Naked Doodle, and the President Who Sued a Media Mogul for Fake Cake By : The WTF Legal Affairs Desk, with zero subpoenas and too many carbs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then it’s over. The Setup: A Card, A Lawsuit, A Very Trumpy Crisis It was the kind of story only 2025 could birth. A birthday card allegedly sent two decades ago to Jeffrey Epstein. A doodle of a naked woman. A signature that might belong to the 47th President of the United States. And the recipient? Deceased billionaire sex offender, Epstein — aka the nuclear warhead of all scandals. Enter Donald J. Trump, riding a golden escalator of legal fury straight into federal court, declaring that the Wall Street Journal ’s reporting was “FAKE NEWS with ink.” The sup...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: San Francisco fentanyl-scented elitism. From taxpayer lifeline to a Menlo Park mansion tour, NPR  rediscovers itself—as a progressive podcast with a tote bag problem By: Vox von Kraken, Chief Woke Mortician, The WTF Global Times 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it—then we charge royalties. ACT I: The Autopsy Report If you walk through the halls of NPR today, you won’t hear jazz or investigative exposés on goat herding in Wisconsin. You’ll hear echoes—of a mission that once aspired to national unity, now reduced to donor-name pronunciations like “Alma from Berkeley,” “Dylan from Brooklyn,” and “Anonymous Tech Executive from Cupertino.” Katherine Maher, the new CEO, recently went full Marie Antoinette with a podcast mic: "Let them eat identity politics." After years of gasping for breath beneath the “Sword...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Somewhere Between Media Meltdown and Moral Mayhem Why calling Israel out is big business—and why fact-checking might be optional By: Karma Singh, Chief Analyst of Emotional Outrage Media 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it—then we’re definitely escalating. The Punchline That Refuses to Die Here’s the setup Lucifer himself might envy: a TV host who pretends to demand truth, wields moral outrage as currency, and milks the conflict in Gaza for every click, tweet, and lingering eyeball. Piers Morgan—once touted as fearless journalism’s sword—has now morphed into a profit machine for anger and polarization. Welcome to outrage theater, starring the master ringmaster. WTF? Piers Morgan’s Gaza Pivot Morgan’s tone shift isn’t subtle. In early 2025, he pivoted from initial support for Israel’s “right to self-defense” to a full...