THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Fiscal Freakout France Declares Budgetary War on Baguettes, Benefits, and Banknotes... and Possibly Tuesdays By: Jean-Claude Cashflow | Senior Editor, Department of Existential Economics, Absurdist Bureaucracy & Macronalysis 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... PARIS, FRANCE – “Vive la Réduction!” cried absolutely no one as French Prime Minister François Bayrou launched what may go down in European history as the most passionately unromantic budget proposal since Marie Antoinette suggested cake. France’s economic deficit, growing at the speed of €5,000 per second, has officially achieved escape velocity. And Bayrou – the man who sounds like a soft cheese but cuts like a chainsaw – wants every Frenchman to suck in their stomach, tighten their belt, and march into a future of cancelled holidays, frozen pensions...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Bombastic, Baffling & Bizarre Since 1948 Hamas Thanks Canada, UK, and France For Their Support—Sends Gift Basket of Explosives and Hypocrisy By: Fatah Morgana | Senior Correspondent for Terror Tourism & Western Diplomatic Masochism 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then it’s open season on acronyms. Diplomacy Goes Full Delusion: Hamas Credits Mass Murder for Statehood Vibes If you’ve ever seen someone commit arson, then ask the fire department to reward them with a beachfront property, congratulations: You understand the logic of the 2025 Western diplomatic brain fog. On Saturday, Ghazi Hamad , senior Hamas goblin and professional war criminal, told Al Jazeera—with a straight face no less—that Canada, the UK, and France’s plans to recognize a Palestinian state were thanks to the massacre Hamas orchestr...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Starved, Screamed & Sanctioned Recognize THIS,  Carney ! By: Mullah Buzzfeed al-Bibi, Senior Fellow of Disbelief & Dark Humor 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… again. The Two-State Delusion Hits New Lows — Now with Bonus Starvation Porn! In the latest episode of International Cognitive Dissonance: Deluxe Edition , Canada, the UK, and France—three countries with thriving Starbucks diplomacy—have boldly declared their moral superiority by recognizing a Palestinian state… one day after Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad released two emaciated Israeli hostages on video, looking like they’d just survived a North Korean juice cleanse in a medieval dungeon. Rom Braslavski and Evyatar David, both kidnapped during Hamas’ October 7, 2023 rave-turned-raid, were paraded like haunted scarecrows on terrorist T...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: “We’re still checking” Canada recognizes Palestinian state, Trump recognizes Canada’s mistake By: The Bureau of Highly Unfiltered Diplomatic Dramedy 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. OTTAWA-JERUSALEM-TRUMPLANDIA — In a moment that stunned global diplomats, confused Israeli hawks, and mildly amused Hamas spokesmen on Telegram, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney declared that Canada would officially recognize a Palestinian state this September at the United Nations General Assembly. In response, U.S. President Donald Trump took to Truth Social faster than he can say “trade deficit,” warning that such behavior from America’s hat-wearing neighbor would make it “very difficult” for the United States to ink a new trade deal with Canada. “You want maple syrup? You’ll get molasses,” one senior White House source mumble...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diplomatic Dumpster Fire Leaked IDF Files Expose Diplomatic Doppelgänger Act By: Karma Singh, Senior Mayhem Correspondent 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs finally get social media verification and start tweeting “WTF Macron?” A COUP DE FILM MORE CHEAP THAN CHE Just when Macron was about to unveil France’s grand stand for Palestinian state recognition at the UN in September 2025, the IDF drops a grenade: A classified dossier, looted from Gaza, reveals that in October 2020—yes, five years ago!—France quietly held secret talks with Hamas leaders in Doha. And guess who signed off on it? President Emmanuel Macron himself, according to the papers captured by Israeli forces. At the meeting, the French intelligence official (number 3 in DGSE) reportedly told Hamas: “We don’t want to talk only to the Palestinian Authority—we also want to...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Croissants & Chaos A Mediterranean monstrosity of diplomacy, denial, and baguette-based betrayal. By: Jean-Luc le Woké, Senior Correspondent for Strategic WTF Affairs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then we’ll have no choice. INTRO: In what can only be described as the most French attempt at geopolitical problem-solving since Napoleon tried to invade Russia in winter, French President Emmanuel Macron has unilaterally declared that France will recognize the State of Palestine... at the United Nations… in September… with the vague backing of foie gras and good intentions. But hold your croissants—because the U.S. response came fast and furious. Trump roared. Marco Rubio raged. Mike Huckabee, in a caffeine-fueled prophecy, announced that the Palestinian state would be established on the French Riviera , and shall he...