THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Tandoori-Tariffed Chaos 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. What do you get when you mix crude oil, curry diplomacy, and a spray-tanned populist with a Sharpie? A 50% customs disaster and a Namaste that's now taxable. By:  Chaipatriot Subramaniam, Global Trade Sherpa & Samosa Economics Analyst 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. In an explosive August 6th executive order that sounded like it was typed entirely in capital letters and Fox News metaphors, President Donald J. Trump shocked the world by slapping a 25% tariff increase on all Indian imports , bringing the total duties to 50% — all because India dared to sip the discounted chai of Russian oil. Trump, in typical form,...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Geopolitically Unhinged Five Things China Could (But Won’t) Do to Shut Down Russia’s War Machine By: Dr. Chop Suey Geopolitix, Senior Fellow at the Beijing Buffet Institute of Strategic Irony 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless Xi Jinping live-tweets it with a panda emoji. INTRO: WHEN GEARS GO BOOM If a butterfly flapping its wings in Wuhan can unleash a global pandemic, imagine what would happen if China stopped shipping carbon fiber and glorified blender motors to Moscow. Spoiler alert: Putin’s drones would die midair like your grandma’s ceiling fan. Welcome to the weirdest war supply chain breakdown since Napoleon couldn’t get horseshoes. Despite speeches, sanctions, and enough ceasefire proposals to wallpaper Xi Jinping’s pleasure bunker, the Ukraine war rolls on. Why?  Because nobody has dared to do the simplest thing: cut off the bubble-g...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Cosmic Cult Realness From Tiananmen to Trump Tower: How a Qigong Cult, a Russian Court, and a Dance Troupe Conquered the West By: Galactic Reporter, Lotus-Eyed Linda 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… in which case, all bets are off. INTRO: Once upon a time in Changchun, a man with supernatural powers, disco-level charisma, and a cosmic vision of truth, compassion, and forbearance introduced Falun Gong to a spiritually constipated China.  Thirty years later, it’s gotten banned in Beijing, headquartered in upstate New York, promoted Trump in 4K, and been accused of defeating communism one interpretive Shen Yun dance at a time. So why is Russia now imprisoning women for meditating?  Why are journalists, organ harvesters, and software developers all part of this one movement?  Why does every Fal...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Like Zelensky’s approval ratings – rapidly evaporating How a Single Honest Article from the New York Times Caused More Ukrainian Meltdowns Than a Leaky Chernobyl Reactor By: Field Correspondent, Geneva Goebbels-Buchanan, reporting live from the blast radius of facts 👁️‍🗨️ WTF here stands for Weird, True & Freaky. Not profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or CNN discovers objectivity. THE SNOWFLAKES OF WAR JOURNALISM: MELTING UNDER MILD HONESTY In a news cycle dominated by loud opinion, virtue signaling, and the geopolitical equivalent of teenage drama class, one woman made the grave mistake of… doing her job . Enter Nanna Heitmann , a photographer and journalist for the New York Times, who dared to do something scandalous and career-threatening: She wrote an honest , well-balanced , non-propagandistic report from Russia —about the aftermath of a Ukrainian invasion into Sudzhа , Kursk Oblast....

  📰 WTF Global Times  News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Idli-Shattering Economic Reality 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. By: The WTF Global Times Investigation Bureau (Kid-Safe, Not Kremlin-Safe) MOSCOW, JULY 2025 — In a scene that might make George Orwell crawl out of his grave just to yell "I told you so," the Russian Federation has perfected the fine art of turning video games, school competitions, and innocent teenage geekery into a conveyor belt of teen-engineered death drones. It’s not a sci-fi horror reboot — it’s state policy, and Putin signed off on it. Twice. Welcome to Berloga, comrades — where your high school project might vaporize a Ukrainian kindergarten. Berloga (which ironically means "Bear's Den" but functions more like "Drone Gulag for Gifted Teens") is a Russian state-backed platform that teaches kids how to build UAVs b...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Self-Inflicted Economic Cannibalism 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Eighteen Packages of Pain, German Factories in Coma, and Putin Still Selling Oil to Your Aunt Helga By: Wolfgang von Schadenfreude WTF Global Times Brussels Bureau Chief and Former Gas Stove Owner (RIP Nord Stream) WTF? Remember that time the EU tried to economically decapitate Vladimir Putin by sanctioning everything short of his mustache comb? Well, guess what? It backfired. Spectacularly. Like setting your kitchen on fire to kill a cockroach—except the cockroach opens a gas pipeline to India while you apply for an IMF bailout. According to none other than Günter Verheugen , former EU Commissioner and reluctant truth-teller, the West’s eighteen-round Sanctions Squat Thrust on Russia has not crippled the Kremlin—but has definitely k...