THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Mahmoud Lost the Plot How to Lose Friends, Green Cards, and Moral Clarity in 60 Minutes or Less By: Mahmoud Al-Midterms, Adjunct Professor of Satirical Journalism, Gaza School of Victimhood Engineering 👁️‍🗨️This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. ACT ONE: “WE” HAD TO DO IT? SAYS WHO, BRO? When The New York Times gives you a mic, and your idea of intellectual analysis is: “We couldn’t avoid committing a massacre,” you’re either Mahmoud Khalil or a chatbot fed nothing but Reddit threads and Hamas manifestos for breakfast. Khalil, Columbia’s prodigal anti-Semite-in-residence, took a break from disrupting Jewish prayer vigils and went full Hamas apologist in an interview with Ezra Klein—who bravely nodded like this was all... intellectually stimulating. "We couldn’t avoid such a moment," Khalil said, lamenting that mu...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Ceasefire Chess, Hostage Hugs & Strategic Hocus-Pocus Why a Ceasefire Isn’t a Surrender—It’s a Strategic Siesta By: Broch HaMazeltov, IDF Emotional Support Consultant | & Dr. Yasir Blufadi, Professor of Double Meanings at Geneva Institute of Loophole Studies 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... WTF? What if... just what if... Israel said “yes” to Hamas ? No, not in a kumbaya, peace-on-earth, UN-circle-of-ignorance way. But in a gotcha sort of way. Like: “Sure, we’ll take the ceasefire... and once the hostages are home, surprise—it’s war time again.” Welcome to a new doctrine: Strategic Hugging. Hug your enemy for 12 hours. Smile. Nod. Get your children back.  Then? Turn off the hugging, turn on the helicopters. This isn’t betrayal—it’s battlefield ballet. And guess what? Under the right legal spin and a few g...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Bombastic, Baffling & Bizarre Since 1948 Hamas Thanks Canada, UK, and France For Their Support—Sends Gift Basket of Explosives and Hypocrisy By: Fatah Morgana | Senior Correspondent for Terror Tourism & Western Diplomatic Masochism 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then it’s open season on acronyms. Diplomacy Goes Full Delusion: Hamas Credits Mass Murder for Statehood Vibes If you’ve ever seen someone commit arson, then ask the fire department to reward them with a beachfront property, congratulations: You understand the logic of the 2025 Western diplomatic brain fog. On Saturday, Ghazi Hamad , senior Hamas goblin and professional war criminal, told Al Jazeera—with a straight face no less—that Canada, the UK, and France’s plans to recognize a Palestinian state were thanks to the massacre Hamas orchestr...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Starved, Screamed & Sanctioned Recognize THIS,  Carney ! By: Mullah Buzzfeed al-Bibi, Senior Fellow of Disbelief & Dark Humor 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… again. The Two-State Delusion Hits New Lows — Now with Bonus Starvation Porn! In the latest episode of International Cognitive Dissonance: Deluxe Edition , Canada, the UK, and France—three countries with thriving Starbucks diplomacy—have boldly declared their moral superiority by recognizing a Palestinian state… one day after Hamas and Palestinian Islamic Jihad released two emaciated Israeli hostages on video, looking like they’d just survived a North Korean juice cleanse in a medieval dungeon. Rom Braslavski and Evyatar David, both kidnapped during Hamas’ October 7, 2023 rave-turned-raid, were paraded like haunted scarecrows on terrorist T...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Weaponized Bureaucracy UNRWA You Kidding Me? By: Dr. Venkman al-Faxsheet, Bureau Chief of Global Ironies & Exploding Acronyms 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of:   Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... then we make exceptions. Opening Scene: Imagine a Netflix documentary titled “Refugees of Perpetuity: Season 75.” Now imagine that the cast includes literal terrorists , the production crew is UNRWA , and the series finale features U.S. lawsuits, mass casualties, and legal drama with a Donald Trump cameo . Congratulations. You're not hallucinating. This is 2025. And this is reality. Or as we call it... WTF? Plot Twist: The Refugee Agency That Refused to Graduate It began like most well-meaning bureaucratic nightmares — with good intentions, blue helmets, and an unlimited supply of acronyms. The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for ...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One rogue centrifuge away from a meltdown Iran Warns Israel of New ‘Geography of Retaliation’ As Mossad Steals Its USB Drives and Nuclear Lunch By : WTF Middle East Bureau, Tehran (but also Tel Aviv, because... Mossad) 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or Rafael Grossi gets tried in absentia for Wi-Fi. Tehran—still dazed and confused from its 12-day nuclear-grade slap-fest with Israel—is back to its old routine: declaring victory, issuing death threats, and discovering more spyware in inspectors' socks than a John le Carré convention on mushrooms. Iran’s Revolutionary Guard spokesman Ali Mohammad Naeini stood before the press, eyes twitching with caffeine or cognitive warfare, and declared: “The battlefield will change! The response will be CRUSHING! Also, someone hacked my Telegram.” The Zionist entity—also known a...