THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

  🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Tandoori-Tariffed Chaos 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. What do you get when you mix crude oil, curry diplomacy, and a spray-tanned populist with a Sharpie? A 50% customs disaster and a Namaste that's now taxable. By:  Chaipatriot Subramaniam, Global Trade Sherpa & Samosa Economics Analyst 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, of course. In an explosive August 6th executive order that sounded like it was typed entirely in capital letters and Fox News metaphors, President Donald J. Trump shocked the world by slapping a 25% tariff increase on all Indian imports , bringing the total duties to 50% — all because India dared to sip the discounted chai of Russian oil. Trump, in typical form,...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Mayhem: 100% Fatwas, Fallout & Fallout Shelters By: Ayatollah W.T. Farcey, Supreme Leader of Satirical Analysis & Self-Appointed Fatwa Forensics Director 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… Qomageddon, Iran — In what can only be described as the world's most homicidal group project, over 2,000 Iranian clerics have jointly issued a hall pass to assassinate U.S. President Donald J. Trump. In a press release that doubles as a theological hit job and a fan letter to vengeance, the Qom seminary declared Trump’s blood and property “halal.” Yes, halal. Not just the chicken at your local kebab stand anymore. “Trump’s blood is now a spiritual smoothie,” one seminary student told The WTF Global Times , sipping saffron tea while highlighting passages from Ayatollahs for Dummies . But that’s not all. While half the clerics ...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diplomatic Tantrums, Security Warnings & Inappropriate Touching Israel evacuates the embassy. Iran plots assassinations. And Yossi Shelley touches everything except protocol. By: Dvora Shellshock & Mahmoud MangoPickle | Co-Chairs of the WTF Embassies, Etiquette & Espionage Bureau 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless Khamenei starts hugging flight attendants or the Mossad photoshops shrimp again. What do you get when you mix terrorism, tantrums, inappropriate shoulder hugs, and a diplomatic faceplant in the UAE? Another glorious day in Middle East geopolitics, 2025 edition — now featuring Trump, Mossad, and shellfish censorship. DEAR IRAN, PLEASE DON’T MURDER OUR AMBASSADORS First, let’s get this straight: Israel didn’t want to evacuate its UAE embassy. But then Iran — and its rotating gang of “Global Jihad Enthusiasts, Hezbollah Cosplayers, ...