THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Reflection (But this one's got more brain than banter) How to Outsmart Your Brain Before It Sabotages Your Sanity By: Dr. Preposterous Von Freudstein, Emotional Intelligence Correspondent, Licensed Meme Therapist & Overthinker-in-Chief 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky — not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it or your therapist starts charging per thought. BREAKING: Your Brain Is Gaslighting You Yes, you heard it here first. Turns out the drama queen inside your skull has been pulling emotional stunts for years, and you’ve been falling for it like it’s a soap opera on auto-loop. But fear not, emotionally exhausted earthlings — science has a weapon. It’s not lavender oil or shouting into a void. It’s called the ABCDE method , and no, it’s not a forgotten Sesame Street episode. It’s a brain hack disguised as alphabet soup. ABCDE: The Alphabet Soup That ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Testosterone Optional The Male Birth Control Pill Is Here. Sperm Is Not. By: Dr. Richard "Dick" Stopper, Senior Reproduction & Ridicule Analyst 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it in emojis from a fallout shelter. The Day the Sperm Stood Still In a world where women have had to pop pills, inject hormones, insert copper, plastic, silicone, and voodoo-shaped devices into their bodies just to avoid becoming incubators for tax deductions, science has finally taken a break from inventing new AIs to focus on men’s junk. Enter YCT-529 , the world’s first serious male birth control pill candidate. Not to be confused with a Star Wars droid, this little capsule is designed to put sperm in airplane mode — temporarily and (allegedly) without side effects. Tested in a brave group of 16 vasectomized men who may or may ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Medically Unhinged but Microscopically Accurate New Study Suggests That Your Forgotten College Concussion and That Cold Sore from 2008 Might Be in a Secret Alliance to Kill Your Neurons by 2050 By: Dr. Deliria Cortex & Dr. Max Vaxxine, Senior Labcoat Correspondents for WTF Science 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or your neurons do. Welcome to Alzheimer’s: The Viral Sequel Nobody Asked For The year is 2025. Donald J. Trump is President again. Biden is writing poetry in Delaware. CNN is still fact-checking shadows. And scientists have just discovered that the key to Alzheimer’s might be hiding in that thing you thought was just a cold sore and the time you fell off a scooter in college. Yes, folks: Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV-1) and head trauma might be running a long con on your hippocampus, tag-teaming y...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One Foot in the Grave, One Hand on the Scalpel Inside the Bloodied Truth of Birth, Blame & Brutality — and the Absurd Global Shrug By: Florence Grit & Tusk Mahogany, WTF Global Correspondents for Sharp Affairs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… then, well, we told you so. Pregnancy Roulette and Cultural Chainsaws If childbirth is a risky miracle, then childbirth in sub-Saharan Africa is Russian roulette with no bullets left in the chamber—because the chamber is the grave.  But it’s not just about babies. It’s about butchery masquerading as tradition.  It’s about female genital mutilation (FGM) —a procedure so medically useless and spiritually unfounded, it’s like giving girls a lobotomy because grandma said so. And while the world debates pronouns, style guides, and Twitter bans, over 230 mil...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diagnosed by a Glove Wearing AI,  Neurodivergent & Proud 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. AI Detects Autism and ADHD in 15 Minutes — Because Who Has Time for Doctors Anymore? By: Dr. NeuroTik Tok, PhD (Honorary, self-issued) Move over stethoscope.  Move over Freud.  Move over that one school counselor who said you had “gifted potential” while you were licking a doorknob.  Because here comes the future of neurodevelopmental diagnosis — and it’s wearing a sensor-glove that sees your inner dysfunction before your mother even does. In a breakthrough so fast it might actually beat your attention span, researchers from Indiana University School of Medicine have developed an artificial intelligence (AI) tool that can detect ADHD and autism in just 15 minutes with a 70% accuracy rate — which is...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Brain Chips, Byte-Sized Dictators, and Communist Cyborgs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky . Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. From Lou Gehrig to Xi Jinping—The Global Race to Read Your Mind (Whether You Like It or Not) By: Dr. Neural Nayyar , Senior WTF Correspondent for Biohacking, Byte Politics & Electro-Satire WTF?   It’s 2025. Donald Trump is president of the United States again. Twitter has collapsed into a pile of emojis and misinformation. Iran has AI that can detect bad hijabs. And now, both China and America are implanting chips into people’s heads to literally read their thoughts. Welcome to the dawn of the Neuro-Cold War —brought to you by the Beinao-1 chip, Elon Musk’s Neuralink, and a terrifying amount of Chinese government funding. If the Cold War was about nukes, and the current conflict is about semiconductors, this one’...