THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Cloak, Dagger & Diplomatic Biryani When Tehran plays James Bond, dissidents disappear and journalists start sleeping in IKEA closets By: Imam Bond & Chutzpah Chatterjee | Senior Editors, Espionage, Satire & Sabotage 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless Khamenei starts subtweeting Mossad again. From Belgium to Birmingham, Tehran’s new travel package offers “one-way tickets to Evin Prison.” Add in Trump, TikTok terror alerts, and Israel’s disappearing embassies — and you’ve got a WTF stew only 2025 could cook. WHEN DIPLOMATIC PASSPORTS MEET DEATH SQUADS In what sounds like a rejected Jack Ryan episode, Iran has been accused by 14 countries — led by the United States under President Trump — of deploying hitmen, smugglers, and glorified Uber drivers to kidnap and kill exiled journalists, politicians, Jews, feminists, TikTok influencers, an...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One mass grave away from total civilizational breakdown Dalits, devotions, and decomposing bodies — Welcome to Dharmasthala, where the real horror wasn’t the sermons but what lay six feet under. By: N. Shovel Ready | Senior Exhumer, WTF Crime Beat 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or unless Karnataka politics finds its way to an HBO crime docu-series. INTRO If Agatha Christie had collaborated with Indian bureaucracy and caste apartheid, she’d probably invent a place like Dharmasthala. But unfortunately, this isn’t fiction — it’s an 800-year-old temple town with allegedly enough buried secrets to rival a Chinese real estate company’s accounting department. For decades, thousands visited Dharmasthala for blessings, peace, and free mid-day meals. Unbeknownst to them, some visitors never made it back — especially i...

  🗳️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: RAW Intelligence Meets Bollywood Melodrama Circumcised for the cause, betrayed by bureaucracy. The true, tragic, totally WTF tale of Ravinder Kaushik. By: Tigerbaaba Singh, Chief Field Correspondent for Spies Who Didn’t Come Back 🖊️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or RAW files its expenses in verse. The Spy Who Came In From the Stage Before he was Pakistan's Major Nabi Ahmed Shakir, he was just Ravinder Kaushik, a boy from Sri Ganganagar, Rajasthan. He mimicked politicians for fun, wrote Urdu couplets on the side, and had no idea that his thespian skills would land him in the hall of Indian espionage legends... and then rot him in a Pakistani jail with no exit strategy. In 1973, he joined RAW. By 1975, he wasn't just playing a role—he was the role. He became Muslim, got circumcised, learned fluent Urdu, graduated in ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Latex-Free Mayhem USAID is dead, the pills are toast, and France just became the world’s most expensive incinerator By: Lucille “Plan B” Babcock 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or unless your condoms get deported by Air Force One. HOW TO SET A FIRE TO GLOBAL FAMILY PLANNING, 2025 EDITION In what might be the most expensive barbecue of the year, $10 million worth of U.S.-funded contraceptives —intended to prevent poverty, unwanted pregnancies, and large-scale teen dramas in the Global South—are now scheduled to go up in flames. In France. Literally. By order of President Donald J. Trump , the man who once said “we’re gonna make sex great again, but only for the married folks in Nebraska.” Stored in Belgium since early 2025, the USAID-funded shipment of birth control pills and implants has now become the ...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Redacted When Mar-a-Lago met Lolita Island—and everyone lawyered up faster than you can say "redacted" By: Ivana File-a-Lawsuit 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or unless the DOJ starts censoring your diary in crayon. INTRO: THE LIST THAT DOESN’T EXIST (BUT EVERYONE’S ON IT) In a turn of events so predictably bizarre it could only happen in 2025, the DOJ, Epstein’s ghost, Pam Bondi, and Donald J. Trump have all entered the same sentence without the FBI going full Men in Black on your memory. Here’s what went down: The Wall Street Journal , that paper for nervous billionaires and guilty libertarians, dropped a bombshell. According to “unnamed senior administration officials” (read: Steve who used to bring Diet Coke), Trump’s name appears multiple times in the Jeffrey Epstein files . Trump...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Fried, Stacked, and Stuffed in a Tennis Ball Tube Pringles,  42% Potato. 100% Mystery. A Snack So Processed Even the Trinity Was Less Complicated. By: Crispin Tater & Staxxon L. Layz, WTF Snack Bureau Chiefs 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it—or unless someone tries to define a hamburger without bloodshed. The Snack That Dared to Lie They’re stacked, seductive, and scream “once you pop, the truth might drop.” Welcome to the story of Pringles —the snack formerly known as “not technically a chip.” Because in the deepest corridors of food court theology and international tax courts, this crispy icon has a dark secret: Pringles are made of regret, glue, and only 42% potato. Yes, that’s right.  That perfectly uniform “chip” in your mouth was never really sliced from a spud . It was extruded , pasted , ...