🔧 JF-17 vs HAL Tejas: Fighter Jets, Flatulence & Failed Procurement Fantasies...
🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
How Pakistan Went from Chinese Assembly Line Intern to Jet Fighter Salesman While India’s HAL Still Can’t Find the Allen Key
By: Colonel Chutney McDosa, Aerospace Analyst, Tejas Divorcee & Beijing IKEA Manual Survivor
It’s a question that haunts defense analysts, chai vendors, and Facebook uncles alike:
How did Pakistan manage to roll out the JF-17 Thunder in record time… while India’s HAL Tejas jet program spent four decades perfecting the art of delivering PowerPoint slides and engine-less prototypes?
Welcome to WTF Fighter Jet Theatre, where China reverse-engineers MiGs, Pakistan reverse-engineers China, and HAL reverse-engineers job security.
Origins: Tejas Is Sanskrit for “Delays”
India’s HAL Tejas light combat aircraft was conceived in the 1980s—the same decade Madonna released Like a Virgin, and HAL engineers started acting like they were one, too—completely untouched by modern aviation.
The plan was noble: build an indigenous 4th-gen fighter. But HAL soon found itself battling enemies more lethal than Pakistani jets: bureaucrats, corruption, ego, and committee meetings that require tea breaks every 30 minutes.
Every time the jet sneezed, there was a parliamentary inquiry, court audit, and an editorial in The Hindu.
Meanwhile, over in Pakistan...
Welcome to Jet Dumpling Diplomacy
Pakistan was smart. Or at least street-smart. Instead of reinventing the wheel, they called China and said:
“Hi, we need a jet. Something affordable. Can shoot missiles. But also cheap enough that we don’t need to pawn our nuclear program to the IMF again.”
China, in its eternal role as Asian Home Depot, said:
“Sure. We’ll give you our 1980s ‘Super J-7’ frame, sprinkle in Soviet leftovers, some Israeli cockpit ergonomics we won’t acknowledge publicly, and call it the JF-17. You assemble. We co-brand. No warranty.”
And thus, the JF-17 Thunder was born. Half MiG-21, half Chinese parts bin, half Saudi-financed bachelor party, it was the Walmart jet of geopolitics.
It worked. It flew. It shot things. And most importantly:
It existed.
TRUMP COMMENTS (from the Resolute Desk & Fake Fighter Jet Museum)
“The JF-17 is like a Chinese knock-off of a knock-off. It’s basically the AliExpress version of the F-16. But guess what? It flies. That’s more than I can say for Joe Biden on Air Force One!”
“India’s jet program reminds me of Adam Schiff’s investigation — all talk, no takeoff.”
“Frankly, if I were Prime Minister Modi, I’d fire HAL, hire SpaceX and call it a ‘Make Dharma Fly Again’ program. Elon would do it in 6 weeks and throw in a flamethrower.”
“Pakistan builds faster because they have no regulations. India builds slower because they have too many vegetarian options in the canteen.”
HAL: Hindustan Awaiting Lift-off
HAL's issue isn't just technical. It's cultural. The Tejas program became a national prestige project. Which meant everyone wanted to nibble at it like monkeys at a banana buffet:
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Politicians wanted to rename it every few years.
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Generals wanted 72 configurations before lunch.
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Auditors wanted to investigate it for "non-visible costs" (whatever that means).
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Activists wanted it to be carbon neutral, women-piloted, and named after a gender-fluid deity.
The result?
A project that generated more Excel sheets than actual engines.
Meanwhile, JF-17s were mass-produced like samosas at a wedding.
The Dirty Secret of the JF-17: Assembled, Not Engineered
Let’s be real:
Pakistan didn’t design the JF-17. It assembled it.
Most parts are imported. It’s an international Frankenstein:
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Engine? Russian (RD-93) or Chinese backup.
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Radar? Italian, Chinese, or “whatever Alibaba shipped that week.”
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Ejection seat? British.
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HUD? Israeli-style knock-off.
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Software? Probably written in Wuhan by someone who also runs a TikTok fanpage for F-22 Raptors.
But guess what?
It flies. It shoots. And it's affordable.
India, meanwhile, is still wondering if the indigenous radar can detect clouds without crashing the avionics suite.
Top Comment Picks (Straight from Desi Netizens & Geo-Diplomatic Trolls)
Final Thought: The Jet Lag Between Democracy and Dictatorship
Here’s the blunt truth:
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Pakistan got a functional jet because it treated it like a military project.
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India treated its jet like a political marriage proposal—with dowry demands, song-and-dance numbers, and in-laws (HAL) who never deliver.
China, the silent puppet master in this entire aerospace Bollywood film, wins either way. It sells the parts, takes the credit, and denies responsibility when anything explodes or goes missing.
But there's still hope. HAL is improving. Modi’s government has infused more funds, pushed for privatisation, and is finally yelling at engineers like Trump yells at CNN.
Still, India’s Tejas might soon get competition from an even faster aircraft: the drone carrying your next Zomato delivery.
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