📖The Hamas Horror Novel: How Yahya Sinwar’s Prison Fan-Fiction Became a Bestseller of Blood...
🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Brainwashed but Literate
An Islamist Manifesto Disguised as Literature Is Radicalizing the Book Clubs of Gaza and Getting 5 Stars on Goodreads
By: Gutter von Inkstain, Senior Narrative Deconstructionist & Middle East Fictional Realities Correspondent
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or the NYT decides it’s literature.
CHAPTER 1: “Once Upon a Time in Cell Block Jihad”
Yahya Sinwar, Gaza’s most wanted man and the brain behind the October 7 Hamas massacre, has a second identity that’s somehow more disturbing than “terror mastermind”: novelist.
What appears on the surface to be an emo, semi-political prison novella turns out to be a psycho-ideological field manual for Islamist violence, martyrdom, anti-Jewish hatred, and “how to radicalize your cellmates in 300 pages or less.”
Thanks to a study by Dr. Ofir Winter at the Institute for National Security Studies (INSS), we now know this book is less The Count of Monte Cristo and more Mein Kampf meets militant Pinterest board.
And it’s trending in Arabic bookstores. Because of course it is.
CHAPTER 2: Oprah’s “Don’t Read This” Club Pick of the Month
In a timeline that only makes sense in 2025, this long-forgotten Hamas prison-fanfic resurfaced in the most WTF way possible—as a literal roadmap to October 7.
Dr. Winter discovered a dusty copy buried in Jerusalem’s National Library, untouched since 2010. A true literary archaeologist. Except instead of uncovering the next Dead Sea Scroll, he found the Dead Israeli Civilians Blueprint.
The book’s protagonist, Ahmad, is basically Sinwar with a pen. And Ahmad has thoughts—violent, genocidal, jihadist thoughts.
Sample plotlines include:
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Glorification of martyrdom like it’s a gym membership.
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Deliberate targeting of women and children as a "righteous tactic."
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Plans for kidnappings, unconventional weapons, and yes—Khaybar cosplay.
What’s Khaybar, you ask? Oh, just a 7th-century massacre of Jews that Hamas now treats as a motivational slogan.
If ISIS had a Netflix drama, this book would be the script.
CHAPTER 3: “Eat, Pray, Hate”
The book isn’t just a throwback to medieval conquest fantasies. It’s actively radicalizing young readers.
Far from being forgotten prison pulp, The Thorn and the Carnation is now a certified bestseller in certain Arab markets. It’s available in multiple languages and circulating like the Quranic edition of Mein Kampf meets Twilight: Jihad Edition.
And no, that’s not satire. That’s actual reality in 2025.
Western liberals? Still wondering if banning books is too fascist.
Middle East? Publishing terrorist fantasy fanfic and calling it literature.
TRUMP COMMENTS: POTUS Reviews the Book
“This Sinwar guy? Terrible writer. Sad! Not a single ghostwriter. No punctuation. I read two pages, and I wanted to bomb the publishing house.”
“You know, people used to write books in prison like Mandela, MLK—good books. Then you’ve got this guy writing Hamas Harry Potter. He should’ve stuck to Sudoku.”
“We’re banning it in the USA. Not because it’s offensive—because it’s BORING. Nobody reads Hamas novels in Florida. Maybe Portland. But we’ll fix that too.”
“If I had a prison library like that, I’d write Art of the Deal 2: Death to Deep State. Huge bestseller. Maybe I still will.”
CHAPTER 4: Books That Go Boom
Dr. Winter and Niv Shayovitz argue that ideology isn’t just in mosques and manifestos anymore—it’s being sold on Amazon.
“The Thorn and the Carnation” is not just a Hamas memoir wrapped in bad prose. It’s a call to arms, a step-by-step guide for how to become a fanatical extremist with literary flair.
Literature, it turns out, is now part of asymmetric warfare.
This changes everything. Book clubs are now counterintelligence fronts. Goodreads is radicalizing your aunt. And Hamas may be the first terror group to hold an author signing.
CHAPTER 5: The Critics Weigh In
@Koran4Kindle: “This book changed my life. And possibly triggered a drone strike.”
@PostmodernMartyr: “It’s like The Alchemist, but with more decapitations and fewer metaphors.”
@TLDR4Allah: “Read the Cliff Notes. 5 stars for ideology. 1 star for prose.”
@BookTokIntifada: “Just finished chapter 3 and already joined a sleeper cell. #Oops #JihadiVibes”
CHAPTER 6: The Battle of the Bookshelves
The INSS study makes a critical point: Words are weapons. And when radicals write fiction, the line between entertainment and incitement vanishes faster than Qatar deletes receipts.
So what do we do with a terror novel that’s literally a prelude to massacre?
Because unlike Western university students who think Orwell was problematic, the IDF now knows that terrorists leave literary breadcrumbs.
FINAL THOUGHT
Books used to open minds. Now they detonate them.
Yahya Sinwar’s literary career is a reminder that not all writers want Pulitzers. Some want payloads.
So the next time you pick up a bestseller with a sword on the cover and martyrdom in the subtitle, ask yourself:
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:
👁️🗨️ WTF = Weird, True & Freaky. Terrorists write books. Liberals read them. Conservatives ban them. Intelligence agencies finally review them. Only at WTF Global Times: where the pen is mightier than the RPG, and way more dangerous when translated into French.
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