🧠Breakups, and Brain Hacks: How the ABCDE Model Can Save Your Sanity (Even if Your Cat Just Dumped You)...
How to Outsmart Your Brain Before It Sabotages Your Sanity
By: Dr. Preposterous Von Freudstein, Emotional Intelligence Correspondent, Licensed Meme Therapist & Overthinker-in-Chief
👁️🗨️This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky — not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it or your therapist starts charging per thought.
BREAKING: Your Brain Is Gaslighting You
Yes, you heard it here first. Turns out the drama queen inside your skull has been pulling emotional stunts for years, and you’ve been falling for it like it’s a soap opera on auto-loop.
But fear not, emotionally exhausted earthlings — science has a weapon. It’s not lavender oil or shouting into a void. It’s called the ABCDE method, and no, it’s not a forgotten Sesame Street episode. It’s a brain hack disguised as alphabet soup.
ABCDE: The Alphabet Soup That Could Save Your Sanity
Let’s break it down before your attention span checks out:
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A – Activating EventSomething happens. You spill coffee. Your ex texts “hey.” Aliens don’t land (again).
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B – BeliefYour brain goes, “This means I’m doomed!”
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C – ConsequenceYou spiral. Rage, tears, passive-aggressive playlist sharing.
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D – DisputationYou challenge that brain drama. “Really? Or am I just hungry?”
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E – EffectYou calm down. Maybe even smile. (Or at least stop throwing things.)
The Real Villain? Your Thoughts, Not Your Life
Point is: Don't marry your first thought. It’s usually a liar.
Real-Life Reframe Example
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A: Your partner forgets your anniversary.
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B: “They’re probably already dating someone hotter on LinkedIn.”
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C: Rage. Ice silence. Texting your mom for sympathy.
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D: “Or maybe they’re distracted, human, and forgot what day it is because capitalism is a scam and time is an illusion.”
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E: You don’t explode. You talk like an adult. Weird, but effective.
Why This Works (a.k.a. Jedi Mind Tricks for Mortals)
This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s cognitive aikido. You’re not denying reality; you’re just refusing to be emotionally puppeteered by every inconvenient brain fart.
It’s not about “feeling better.” It’s about feeling smarter. And that’s hot.
Mental Filters: The Instagram Filters of Your Thoughts
The ABCDE method helps you realize: sometimes, a sock is just a sock.
Cultural Analogy: Buffet Philosophy
You're sad at a wedding because you’re single, until — bam — your favorite gulab jamun appears at the buffet.
Mood: fixed.
Did life change?
Nope. Just your focus.
That’s the ABCDE magic: shift the lens, save the day.
How to Practice ABCDE Without a Therapist or a TED Talk
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Catch the emotional flare-up.
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Identify the inner drama-queen thought.
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Ask, “Wait, is this thought helping or hurting?”
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Argue with your brain like it’s a badly written sitcom.
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Notice the chill vibes return. Or at least, less chaos.
Repeat. Daily. With snacks.
Emotional Strength Isn’t a Gym Membership
Trump Comments
“Look, I use ABCDE all the time. I see CNN—actual event. Then I say, FAKE NEWS—belief. Then I move on—consequence! Tremendous model. I made it better than Ellis ever did, believe me.”
“D stands for ‘Donald is always right,’ and E stands for ‘Everybody loves Trump.’ It's psychology, folks, and I’m very mentally stable — everyone says it! That’s the alphabet of greatness, folks.”
“I told Melania: Don’t believe the mainstream feelings. Believe your best feelings. Unless you’re mad at me. Then please keep it inside.”
“This therapy stuff is tremendous. I’m very emotionally resilient. I’ve been through impeachments. Twice. Still look fantastic.”
“Look, I use ABCDE all the time. I see CNN—actual event. Then I say, FAKE NEWS—belief. Then I move on—consequence! Tremendous model. I made it better than Ellis ever did, believe me.”
“D stands for ‘Donald is always right,’ and E stands for ‘Everybody loves Trump.’ It's psychology, folks, and I’m very mentally stable — everyone says it! That’s the alphabet of greatness, folks.”
“I told Melania: Don’t believe the mainstream feelings. Believe your best feelings. Unless you’re mad at me. Then please keep it inside.”
“This therapy stuff is tremendous. I’m very emotionally resilient. I’ve been through impeachments. Twice. Still look fantastic.”
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Final Thought (Not Sponsored by Instagram Therapy)
You don’t need a lobotomy or a Himalayan retreat. Just ask yourself:
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What am I telling myself about this?
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Is that thought helpful, or is it just internal gossip?
You're not your thoughts. You're the one watching them — like a nosy aunty, but wiser.
ABCDE is the manual your brain never gave you. Use it. Own it. Rewrite that mental drama like it’s a bad soap opera.
Next Week on The WTF Global Times:
Use your brain. Before it uses you.
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