🏋️NAMASTE, NOW PAY 25%...
📲 THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Curry, Chaos & Customs Duty
Delhi, Meet the Don of Duties
On August 1st, 2025, President Donald J. Trump did what he does best: toss diplomacy into a microwave and hit "Popcorn." In a 12-hour tweet storm rivaled only by Shiva’s cosmic dance, Trump announced a 25% tariff on Indian goods. He then accused India of clinging to Russia like it was a Cold War-themed teddy bear, stating: “I don’t care what India does with Russia. They can take their dead economies down together."
In Delhi, ministers dropped their chai. South Block scrambled to form a response. Modi blinked thrice. External Affairs scrambled like egg bhurji. No one had a plan for this.
India: The New "Tariff King" Revisited
If you thought Trump calling India a "Tariff King" in 2018 was just a passing jab, welcome to the sequel. This time, the penalty is real, numeric, and alphabetically alphabetized.
While India gets a spicy 25% kick to its curry exports, Pakistan walks away with a modest 19%. Canada, the maple syrup mafia, got whacked with a 35% tariff. Apparently, Justin Trudeau's eyebrows are now in economic exile.
The official White House justification? "Unfair trade practices, Chinese proximity, and suspiciously delicious mangoes."
Oil, Allah, and Asim Munir: Trump Hearts Pakistan?
In a plot twist that left even ISI agents scratching their heads, Trump declared a new oil partnership with Pakistan. He called their reserves "massive" and suggested India should buy from them in the future.
Never mind that Pakistan has more sand than proven petroleum. Or that Islamabad has yet to echo this deal with anything more than a vague statement about crypto and minerals. Still, in Trump World, facts are optional. Deals are eternal.
The Art of Provocation: How to Trigger New Delhi in 3 Easy Tweets
Back in 1994, Robin Raphel discovered that provoking India is easier than spelling "Hyderabad." Her statement questioning Kashmir’s accession caused national hysteria. Trump’s current approach feels like he read her playbook, added MAGA hats, and tossed in a dash of TikTok.
Every line, every jab, is designed to get a rise from New Delhi:
Call India a trade abuser.
Praise Pakistan’s fictional oil.
Accuse India of eating Russian leftovers.
It worked. Again.
Trump Tariff List: The Global Roast
Out of 85 countries, here are the winners and losers:
India: 25% (Namaste. Now pay.)
Pakistan: 19% (Friendship discount?)
Canada: 35% (Maybe apologize harder.)
Syria: 41% (Even Assad winced.)
Switzerland: 39% (Too neutral, too rich.)
Myanmar: 40% (Your democracy called. It’s not coming back.)
UK: 10% (Post-Brexit sadness tax.)
It’s less of a tariff policy and more of a diplomatic Tinder swipe frenzy. Who annoyed Trump the most? Who liked Putin’s Instagram post? That’s the calculus.
Trump Comments:
"India said they loved me, but they trade with Russia. That’s not love. That’s betrayal. Like when Melania unfollowed me."
"Pakistan has oil. I’m not saying it’s the best oil. But I’m the best president. So it evens out."
"Nobody loves tariffs more than me. Except maybe Xi. And Xi is jealous."
Top Comment Picks:
@GeoStrategik: "If Trump were a god, his puja would involve tariffs, tweets, and trolling Trudeau."
@MadamMango: "First he bans our mangoes. Now he taxes our textiles. What next? A 5% sarcasm surcharge?"
@DelhiDhokla: "New Delhi’s foreign policy: act surprised every time the man with a red tie punches you with a dollar sign."
Final Thought:
Trump’s tariff tantrums are less about policy and more about pageantry. India’s strategic autonomy dance now has a price tag. And Pakistan just sold an imaginary oil field to a man who once bought steak by the crate.
In the end, it’s not about who gets taxed. It’s about who gets trolled.
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