THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Undead Chaos When zombies bite, Indians sip - The Desi Way to Die With Dignity: Chai Before Chaos - Zombies invade, politicians deny, startups rebrand, and nobody notices the difference... By:   Ghoulab Jamun — Senior Survival Correspondent & Panic Enthusiast Co-Authored by: Raj “Roti Before Rifle” Malhotra, Bureau Chief (Posthumous Edition) 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky.  Not as profanity — unless the zombies start voting. Welcome to the Great Indian Undead Scenario If you think potholes, power cuts, and political speeches were India’s biggest nightmares — wait until the zombies arrive. An alarming new study...     https://nypost.com/2025/10/24/lifestyle/alarming-study-predicts-states-most-likely-to-survive-a-zombie-apocalypse  (Because what else do bored researchers do between apocalypses?) ...Predicts that major American cities like New...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 97% Archaeological Anxiety Whose Civilization Is It Anyway? By: Prof. Digs A. Lot, Senior Mud Analyst & Amateur Prophet of Pottery 👁️‍🗨️ This blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky — not as profanity. Unless an archaeologist starts tweeting Sanskrit hashtags, then we’ll reconsider. The World’s Oldest Debate, Now with More Nationalism Somewhere between the dried-up bed of the Ghaggar-Hakra and the echoing WhatsApp forwards of nationalist uncles, lies a civilization so ancient, so advanced — that its sewage system had better engineering than most Indian municipal projects today. And yet, 5,000 years later, we can’t decide what to call it. Is it Harappan ? Indus Valley ? Saraswati-Sindhu ? Or, for those who want to include everyone and offend no one — the “Indus-Saraswati-Gangetic-Co-Operative-Limited Civilization (ISO-9001 Certified)” ? This naming war has outlasted dynasties, democrac...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Faith: 100% Unverified Sources If apostles died heroically, Paul never lied, and Acts wasn’t fan fiction — history wouldn’t need miracles to make sense. By:   Bishop Basil “of the Blunt Truth” & Sister Skeptica, Resident Heretic Analysts 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky.  Not as profanity. Unless your priest tweets about crypto indulgences. The Faith That Came With Footnotes (and None Verified) Every religion has its myths. But few are as stubbornly attached to their press releases as the early Church. If you grew up imagining the apostles bravely dying for the truth, brace yourself: much of that heroism is less divine history — and more early Christian fan fiction with footnotes . Take the famous scene from Acts of the Apostles — Ananias and Sapphira dropping dead because they didn’t tithe enough. A perfect moral story, right? Give your money to God, or God does wh...

🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 5000% Artificially Intelligent Karma Meets Capitalism: Nvidia Achieves Nirvana Before India 2047 -  “Make in India” still buffering while “Make in GPU” breaks the internet. By: Chatty N. Chettiar, Senior Analyst of Astrological Economics & AI Worshipper Sub-Editor: Ramu “Reboot” Raj, Part-Time GPU Miner & Full-Time Existential Thinker 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, or the IT Cell starts mining Dogecoin in Parliament. One Trillion to Rule Them All Nvidia, the holy chip‐maker of Silicon Valley, has officially become richer than an entire civilization . Yes, you read that right — in the latest episode of “Late-Stage Capitalism Meets Mythology,” Jensen Huang’s green‐hoodie cult has reached a $5 trillion market capitalization, overtaking not just Apple, Microsoft, and Saudi Aramco… but also India — the ...