🏺📜 🧨😳🤯THE GREAT OTTOMAN SUBLET DRAMA: HOW EVERYONE CLAIMS THE SAME APARTMENT, AND WHY THE LANDLORD (HISTORY) IS DONE WITH ALL OF YOU....
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HOW EVERYONE CLAIMS EVERYONE ELSE’S LAND WHILE FORGETTING WHO ACTUALLY OWNED IT
If Judea & Samaria aren’t Israel’s, then Jordan isn’t Jordan’s either - because the Ottomans forgot to leave forwarding addresses
By:
👁🗨️
This blog uses WTF strictly to mean: Weird, True & Freaky - not
profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it, then we reserve all rights
to reconsider.
PART 1
THE OTTOMAN APARTMENT COMPLEX: EVERYONE LIVED THERE, NO ONE PAID RENT
“Ottoman Empire - Southern Syria / Administrative
Subdivision #I-Forgot.”
For centuries, longer than the US has existed, this
entire territory functioned like a badly managed corporate dormitory:
- Tenants
rotated
- Languages
blended
- Borders
were suggestions
- Everybody’s
cousin claimed they were descended from royalty
But then World War I happened, the Ottomans collapsed, and
suddenly everybody wanted the same Ottoman apartment:
- The
Jews: “Actually, we left a deposit here 3,000 years ago.”
- The
Hashemites: “We were promised this apartment in a handwritten note
from a British guy hiding in Cairo.”
- The
Palestinians: “We grew up in this neighbourhood; who are all these new
tenants?”
- The
British: “We don’t live here, we just changed the locks without
asking.”
- The
French: “We are here to help’… colonize everything north of this
line.”
- Everyone
else: “We will intervene diplomatically (and loudly).”
ACT I: WHEN THE BRITISH INVENTED “ARAB REVOLT” BRANDING
(Because everything sounds better after a marketing
committee.)
Now here’s where history gets beautifully absurd:
The so-called “Arab Revolt” (1916)
It was a British-sponsored geopolitical Kickstarter campaign
featuring:
- Imported
Hashemite princes from Hejaz
- A
borrowed flag designed by a British diplomat
- Lawrence
of Arabia cosplaying as a desert influencer
- A
plotline so loose that even Netflix would reject it
The revolt wasn’t even a revolt; it was more like:
The result?
- Iraq
→ given to one Hashemite brother
- Jordan
→ given to the other Hashemite brother
- Palestine
→ carved into “Let’s see how much trouble we can cause per square
kilometre.”
This was Imperial Project Management 101, and the
British proudly shipped the prototype without debugging.
THE FLAG THAT LAUNCHED
A THOUSAND ARGUMENTS
The Palestinian flag, Jordanian flag, Hejaz flag, early
Iraqi flag:
Why?
Because they all descended from the 1916 Arab Revolt flag
- a flag literally commissioned by British diplomat Mark Sykes, the
geopolitical interior decorator of the Middle East.
Imagine building national identities on a colour palette
chosen by a colonial bureaucrat who probably did not know the difference
between Nablus, Najaf, or a naan bread.
ACT II: THE HASHEMITE
MONARCHIES ARRIVE LIKE SURPRISE DLC PACKS
After the Arab Revolt:
- The
Hashemites were installed as kings
- On
lands they had never ruled
- Over
populations who didn’t ask for them
- For
reasons only British Foreign Office tea-drinkers understood
It was like the British Empire said:
“We defeated the Ottomans. Here are two bonus kingdoms.
No refunds.”
Thus:
- Abdullah
→ Jordan
- Faisal
→ Iraq
If this sounds absurd, congratulations - you have basic
historical literacy.
WHERE YOUR INPUT FITS
IN - THE SOVEREIGNTY PARADOX
Now comes the heart of your user-provided argument, reframed
in WTF Global Times style:
If Jordan claims Israel has no right to sovereignty in Judea & Samaria because it was “Ottoman land,” then Jordan itself has no right to sovereignty because Jordan is literally the product of the same Ottoman-to-British-to-Hashemite pipeline.
This is historical Uno Reverse.
Jordan cannot say:
“You cannot inherit Ottoman land!”
The borders were drawn by someone in London adjusting lines
on a map like:
“Eh, move that tribe to the east, give that prince a
kingdom, call it a day.”
If sovereignty derives from Ottoman continuity, then:
- Israel
gets its ancient territorial claim
- Jordan
loses its modern territorial claim
- Everyone
returns to arguing about biblical genealogy
- Historians
collectively quit and raise chickens instead
THE SOUTHERN SYRIA
PROBLEM: WHEN PALESTINE WASN’T “PALESTINE”
Before the Mandate, the region’s official name was:
Ottoman Syria - Southern District
So when people today argue:
“This land belonged to us before the British!”
The historical response is:
- Administrative
zones
- Millet
systems
- Overworked
tax collectors
- Maps
drawn with imperial guesswork
If you go far enough back, everyone’s claim is awkward.
THE GREAT OTTOMAN SUBLET DRAMA: WHEN THE LANDLORD DIED AND EVERYONE RUSHED TO CLAIM THE DEPOSIT
THE SYKES–PICOT CURSE:
OR HOW TWO MEN REDREW THE REGION WHILE IGNORING EVERYONE WHO LIVED THERE
- Historical
Russian dolls
- Layers
of competing narratives
- Imperial
paperwork no one understands
- Everybody
yelling “I WAS HERE FIRST!”
Enter two European bureaucrats:
- Mark
Sykes - a man who thought maps were Sudoku puzzles
- François
Georges-Picot - a French diplomat who treated borders like cosmetic
eyeliner
Together, they gifted the world the Sykes–Picot Agreement
(1916), the geopolitical equivalent of:
“Let’s divide land we don’t own between empires that won’t
last for people we don’t understand.”
This agreement:
- Ignored
local identities
- Ignored
tribal structures
- Ignored
religious mosaics
- Ignored
topography
- Ignored
everything except European tea-time schedules
And from that divine chaos emerged:
- Lebanon
- Iraq
- Syria
- Mandatory
Palestine
- Transjordan
All stitched together in a way that made sense only to
imperial administrators who believed:
“Eh, they’re all vaguely brown-ish and Middle Eastern.
Should be fine.”
THE “PALESTINE THAT
WASN’T” PROBLEM
Before the British Mandate:
“Palestine” did not exist as an independent political
unit.
It was:
- A
geographic term
- Used
loosely
- By
pilgrims, scholars, cartographers
- But
never as a sovereign state
Under the Ottomans, the territory was divided into:
- The
Vilayet of Beirut
- The
Vilayet of Damascus
- Mutasarrifate
of Jerusalem
None of which correspond to modern borders.
So when people say:
“This belongs to X because it was Palestine!”
Ottoman bureaucrats whisper from beyond the grave:
“Palestine? Where? Show me your administrative map, habibi.”
THE BRITISH MANDATE:
WHEN IMPERIAL ADMINISTRATION MET MIDDLE EASTERN REALITY AND SPONTANEOUSLY
COMBUSTED
After WWI, the British walked into the Ottoman ruins and
declared:
“We shall bring order and civilization!”
Instead, they brought:
- Contradictory
promises
- Confusing
legal texts
- Whitehall
memos nobody read
- Colonial
caffeine dependency
- Three
simultaneous, overlapping commitments:
To the Jews - the Balfour
Declaration:
A “national home.”
To the Arabs - the
McMahon–Hussein correspondence:
Support for an Arab kingdom “in the liberated lands.”
To themselves - keep the Suez
Canal safe, the French annoyed, and the oil flowing.
This triple commitment produced a geopolitical love triangle
in which:
- Everyone
expected the land
- Everyone
believed they’d been betrayed
- Everyone
insisted the British promised them the better apartment
It was a diplomatic “Bigg Boss” episode with
bayonets.
THE CREATION OF
TRANSJORDAN: A HISTORICAL PATCH UPDATE
In 1921, Winston Churchill scribbled a proposal on a napkin
at the Cairo Conference:
“Let Abdullah have everything east of the Jordan River.”
Not through:
- Referendum
- Independence
movement
- Popular
demand
But through British administrative improvisation at a hotel
buffet.
The British essentially said:
“We need to keep Abdullah busy so he doesn’t stir trouble
elsewhere. Give him 80% of the Mandate. Call it a day.”
Thus:
- Israel
→ planned Jewish national home
- Jordan
→ planned Hashemite consolation prize
JORDAN’S EXISTENCE AND
THE SOVEREIGNTY PARADOX
Your user-provided argument is now brought into sharper
satirical focus:
If Jordan says:
“Israel has no sovereign rights in Judea and Samaria-they
belonged to the Ottomans!”
Then history replies:
“Jordan also has no sovereign rights in Jordan-they also
belonged to the Ottomans.”
IS A PRODUCT OF OTTOMAN LAND RECYCLING.
And this reveals the cosmic joke:
Middle Eastern
sovereignty arguments are often built on selective Ottoman nostalgia.
Then suddenly:
“No no, that part of Ottoman history we don’t acknowledge.”
THE FLAG PARADOX:
EVERYONE USING A FLAG DESIGNED BY A BRITISH GUY
Modern political symbols:
- The
Palestinian flag
- The
Jordanian flag
- The
Hejaz flag
- The
early Iraqi flag
All share the same 1916 Arab Revolt origin, designed
by Mark Sykes, a British aristocrat with a moustache and zero clue about
Levantine tribal dynamics.
Imagine trying to explain to modern activists:
“Your national flag was actually designed by a British
colonial diplomat to market an uprising led by imported Arabian royals who
later ruled in countries they’d never lived in.”
It is history’s trolling of epic proportions.
Let’s close this section with the core WTF thesis:
The entire Israel–Jordan–Palestine sovereignty dispute is
built atop a century-old imperial administrative improvisation, based on:
- Foreign
kings
- Foreign
flags
- Secret
treaties
- Colonial
ego
- Ottoman
collapse
- Poorly
drawn maps
- British
improvisations
And now, everyone claims:
“Our version is the only legitimate one!”
Meanwhile, history sits in the corner, sipping Ottoman
coffee, muttering:
“Wallahi, none of this is what I intended.”
PART 2
THE “ARAB REVOLT” THAT WASN’T
How a British PR Operation Became Today’s Source of
Regional Identity Confusion
Welcome, dear reader, to the only newspaper brave
enough to say:
“What you call history might just be a long-running British
improv performance.”
Grab your maps, magnifying glasses, smelling salts, and
emotional support Ottoman documents, because Part 2 is where the
Arabia-shaped onion gets peeled layer by spicy layer.
THE GREAT
BRITISH REBRANDING PROJECT: FROM “INVASION” TO “ARAB REVOLT”
Let’s start bluntly:
The so-called “Arab Revolt”
It was:
- Led
by the British,
- Starring
imported Arabian aristocrats,
- Marketed
by TE Lawrence with the flair of a Hollywood director,
- Sold
as a liberation movement,
- Executed
like a colonial subcontracting project.
Think of it as:
“British Empire: Middle East Expansion Pack - DLC by
Lawrence of Arabia™”
The British branded it:
“The Arab Revolt!”
It was more of an “Arab Import.”
And who were these kings the British installed?
- Faisal
→ Became King of Iraq (briefly King of Syria before France said “Nope”).
- Abdullah
→ Became King of Transjordan (later Jordan).
- Ali
→ Briefly ruled Hejaz until Ibn Saud unplugged that monarchy.
THE FLAGS THAT WON’T
STOP FOLLOWING US
One of the funniest footnotes in Middle Eastern history is
that the Palestinian flag-today a defining national symbol-was
originally:
A British-designed marketing tool
for an uprising led by imported Arabian elites.
Mark Sykes, the same man behind Sykes–Picot, literally
designed it with:
- A
red triangle (symbolizing Hashemite ambition?)
- Black,
white, and green stripes (symbolizing “Arab-ness” as defined by Europeans)
And suddenly:
- Jordan
used it.
- Iraq
used it.
- Hejaz
used it.
- Palestinians
use it.
- Political
parties used it.
- Random
pan-Arab movements used it.
It is, without exaggeration:
“The most overworked design in Middle Eastern history.”
Imagine if every breakup in your personal life used the same
sad playlist.
THE JEWISH QUESTION
(NO, NOT THAT ONE): WHO ACTUALLY LIVED IN JERUSALEM?
Before we go further, we must address one key point:
Historical demography.
Just actual documentation.
By the mid-19th century, before Zionism, before
Herzl, before Balfour, before the UN:
Jews were already the majority population in Jerusalem.
“Jews are new here.”
So when modern activists shout:
“There were no Jews in the region before 1948!”
History looks up from its dusty Ottoman ledger and says:
“My child, please stop embarrassing yourself.”
1948: WHEN THE BRITISH
LEFT AND EVERYONE STARTED SHOOTING
When the British Mandate ended:
- Israel
declared independence.
- Jordan,
Egypt, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon invaded.
- The
Jordanian Arab Legion, under British officers, seized the West Bank
and East Jerusalem.
Let us underline that:
Jordan’s conquest of the West Bank (1948–1967), was not “Palestinian sovereignty.”
And yet, in 1964, during Jordanian control, the PLO charter
declared:
The West Bank and East Jerusalem belong to Jordan.
This was quietly dropped in later decades when political
winds shifted.
THE SOVEREIGNTY PARADOX
RETURNS, NOW WITH EXTRA IRONY
Let’s apply consistent logic:
If modern Jordan says:
“The Jews have no right to sovereignty in the West Bank
because the land was Ottoman!”
Then by that same logic:
Jordan itself has no sovereign rights.
And we must ask:
Is sovereignty:
- A
historical claim?
- A
demographic claim?
- An
imperial inheritance?
- A
result of military control?
- An
outcome of international recognition?
THE JORDAN = PALESTINE
ARGUMENT (WHICH ARABS THEMSELVES USED BEFORE IT BECAME TABOO)
Let’s list statements from Arab leaders (paraphrased, not
quoted):
- 1940s–80s:Jordanian monarchs repeatedly described Jordan and Palestine as “one people” or “one land.”
- Palestinian
charters during Jordanian rule explicitly excluded the West Bank,
acknowledging Jordan’s sovereignty.
- Modern demography:Around 75–80% of Jordan's population is of Palestinian origin.
This doesn’t mean:
“Send Palestinians to Jordan.”
We’re simply observing the massive historical overlap that
everyone now pretends never existed.
Middle Eastern history is like a messy divorce case:
THE BRITISH CREATED
TWO-STATE SOLUTIONS TWICE - INDIA/PAKISTAN AND ISRAEL/JORDAN
Here’s the kicker:
The British used the same playbook for BOTH the
India–Pakistan partition and the Mandate Palestine partition:
One land → Two peoples → Two states → Massive population
displacement → Long-term conflict.
- India
→ Hindu-majority state
- Pakistan
→ Muslim-majority state
Similarly:
- Israel
→ Jewish-majority state
- Jordan
→ Arab-majority state
But here’s the twist:
(Understatement of the century.)
PART 3
THE GREAT SOVEREIGNTY PLOT TWIST
Who Owns What, Who Says They Own What, and Who Forgets
What They Said Previously
Welcome to Part 3, where the geopolitical spaghetti
officially hits the historical ceiling fan.
If Parts 1 and 2 were appetizers, Part 3 is the 5-course
Ottoman-buffet main dish.
THE SOVEREIGNTY
PARADOX, DECODED
Let’s restate the core paradox that triggered this entire
mega-series:
Jordan says:
“Israel cannot claim sovereignty over the West Bank. It
belonged to the Ottoman Empire.”
The problem?
Jordan was also part of the Ottoman Empire.
Meaning:
- If
Ottoman sovereignty delegitimizes Israeli claims,
- Then
Ottoman sovereignty also delegitimizes Jordanian claims,
- Which
means everyone must hand their territory back to… Turkey?
Imagine President Erdoğan opening a DM group chat:
“Good evening, everyone. I’ll take my provinces back now.”
Chaos would ensue.
THE WEIRD REALITY OF
MIDDLE EASTERN SOVEREIGNTY: NO ONE HAS A CLEAN TITLE DEED
Before 1917
After 1917
→ The British took the land like they were collecting
stamps.
After 1921
After 1948
After 1967
The moral?
LET’S ANALYZE CLAIMS
LIKE A GLOBE-TROTTING CSI TEAM
CLAIM 1 - “We lived
here longest!”
A classic.
Using this logic:
- Jews
win Jerusalem.
- Arabs
win Mecca.
- Kurds
win “Please God give us something.”
- Armenians
win trauma.
- Turks
win everything the Seljuks once walked across.
CLAIM 2 - “Ottoman
inheritance rights!”
Imagine sorting 400 years of land deeds from an empire that
collected taxes in chickens.
Also, fun fact:
The Ottomans never issued a deed called “The State of
Palestine.”
They issued:
- District
of Jerusalem
- District
of Nablus
- District
of Acre
- Province
of Beirut
- Province
of Syria
So when activists say:
“We want Palestine back!”
History asks politely:
“Which administrative zone, dear?”
CLAIM 3 - “The Mandate
says this!”
Ah yes, the British Mandate:
The document that confused everyone, including the
British.
Interpreting the mandate is like interpreting vague WhatsApp
forwarded messages.
CLAIM 4 - “The UN
partition plan of 1947!”
The plan that:
- Israel
accepted
- Arab
leaders rejected
- Jordan
ignored
- Palestinians
alternately cite or trash depending on the day
THE HASHEMITE ELEPHANT
IN THE ROOM: JORDAN = PALESTINE?
This topic makes diplomats sweat like they’re sitting under
interrogation lamps.
Historically speaking:
- Jordan
was carved out of Mandatory Palestine.
- Jordan’s
monarchy came from Arabia, not local Canaanite/Levantine roots.
- Jordan’s
population today is about 75–80% Palestinian origin.
- Multiple
Arab leaders openly said “Jordan is Palestine” before the 1980s taboo
began.
But now?
Why?
Because acknowledging it shakes the foundation of modern
political narratives.
But historically?
Jordan and Palestine had overlapping political identities
for decades.
THE BRITISH EMPIRE:
GHOSTWRITER OF MODERN CHAOS™
Let’s list everything the British created:
- Jordan
- Iraq
- Kuwait
- Israel
- Long-term
regional trauma
- Permanent
diplomatic migraines
- Flags
that all look suspiciously similar
They divided:
- India/Pakistan
- Israel/Jordan
- Iraq/Kurdistan
- Syria/Lebanon
- Egypt/Sudan
- Cyprus
(just for extra chaos)
Sometimes it seems like the British Empire’s motto was:
THE IDEA OF “PALESTINE”
BEFORE AND AFTER 1967
A tricky subject, but here’s the simple historical
breakdown:
Before 1967
- Palestinians
defined their identity mainly as local Arabs of Southern Syria, in a
broader Arab nationalist sense.
- The
Palestinian Charter of 1964 explicitly excluded the West Bank (because
Jordan ruled it).
- Palestinian
nationalism existed but not yet in its modern form.
After 1967
- Israel
conquered the West Bank.
- Palestinian
identity transformed into a distinct national movement.
- The
PLO rewrote its charter.
- A
unified Palestinian political identity crystallized.
But it's important to acknowledge:
Palestinian national identity is modern, not ancient.
WHY EVERYONE’S ARGUMENT
CONTRADICTS SOMEONE ELSE’S
If you say:
“Israel has no rights because borders were Ottoman!”
Jordan loses its rights.
If you say:
“Palestinians have rights because of self-determination!”
Then Jewish self-determination also applies.
If you say:
“Jews were never here!”
The archives laugh.
If you say:
“Jordan is Palestine!”
Modern diplomacy collapses.
If you say:
“Jordan is NOT Palestine!”
Then you must explain all the earlier statements from Arab
kings.
If you say:
“Israel is colonialism!”
Then what do you call installing Saudi princes in Syria,
Jordan, Iraq?
If you say:
“The 1947 plan should be followed!”
Then you must explain why Arab leaders rejected it.
If you say:
“The 1967 borders must be restored!”
Then the PLO’s 1964 charter complicates things.
Every narrative contradicts another narrative.
Because the Middle East is a region built on:
- competing
memories,
- competing
traumas,
- competing
claims,
- competing
empires.
And the truth is:
“Everyone is both right and wrong at the same time.”
Welcome to the world’s most exhausting Venn diagram.
PART 4
THE GREAT HASHEMITE PARADOX & THE MODERN IDENTITY CRISIS
Why Nobody Wants To Touch The Phrase “Jordan =
Palestine,” Even Though Everyone Used To Say It Out Loud
Welcome to Part 4, the section diplomats pretend
doesn’t exist, historians fight about on the internet, and British imperial
ghosts cackle at from beyond the grave.
This is where geopolitics, identity, denial, panic, and
historical amnesia collide like five taxis at a Cairo roundabout.
SECTION 1 - THE
POLITICAL VOLCANO: WHY THE “JORDAN = PALESTINE” IDEA TERRIFIES EVERYONE
Let's start with the explosive phrase itself:
“Jordan is Palestine.”
A sentence once uttered easily, casually, even proudly by
Arab monarchs and leaders…
…is now treated like a diplomatic hand grenade in 2025.
Why?
Because too many modern political narratives depend on
pretending it was never said at all.
Historically?
Arab leaders openly declared it.
Today?
Everyone insists they never heard it.
This is the geopolitical equivalent of deleting embarrassing
tweets before a job interview.
SECTION 2 - WHY ISRAEL
FEARS IT (BUT CAN’T ADMIT IT PUBLICLY)
If Jordan = Palestine…
…then Palestinians already have a state next door.
Which would mean:
- No
reason for Israel to create a second Palestinian state
- No
basis for a “right of return” into Israel
- No
reason to dismantle settlements
- No
long-term demographic crisis narrative
- No
endless Oslo-loop
In other words:
The entire two-state diplomatic machinery collapses like
a bad IKEA shelf.
SECTION 3 - WHY
JORDAN FEARS IT MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
Jordan today is:
- 75–80%
Palestinian-origin population
- Ruled
by a Hashemite minority dynasty
- Dependent
on delicate demographics
- Terrified
of losing legitimacy
If “Jordan = Palestine,” then:
- Palestinians
could argue Jordan belongs to them
- The
Hashemite monarchy becomes vulnerable
- The
regional balance collapses
- Every
minister in Amman starts sweating profusely
It would be like telling the British royal family:
“The real monarchy should be run by the Scottish. Hand it
over.”
Thus, Jordan’s official stance is:
Jordan ≠ Palestine
(Repeat until the geopolitical anxiety is manageable.)
SECTION 4 - WHY
PALESTINIANS REJECT IT (BUT THEIR GRANDPARENTS SAID OTHERWISE)
For Palestinians:
To accept “Jordan = Palestine” would be to surrender
claims to the West Bank.
Modern Palestinian nationalism sees itself as rooted in:
- West
Bank
- Gaza
- East
Jerusalem
Jordan plays no part in this national story.
But historically?
Until the 1960s…
- Palestinian
identity overlapped with Jordanian identity
- Many
carried Jordanian passports
- The
PLO charter excluded the West Bank (because it was Jordanian-controlled)
- Multiple
leaders openly said “Palestine is Jordan”
Today?
That history is politely ignored - like an awkward relative
at a family wedding.
SECTION 5 - WHY SAUDI ARABIA
QUIETLY LIKES THE IDEA
Riyadh sees two problems:
- A
Palestinian state in the West Bank could be run by Hamas.
- Hamas
is friendly with the Muslim Brotherhood.
- Saudi
Arabia hates the Muslim Brotherhood more than it hates slow internet
connections.
So what’s the Saudi solution?
Combine Palestinians + Jordanians → a stable
Hashemite-controlled state.
Saudi strategists call it:
“Hashemite Kingdom of Palestine” (yes, this proposal
exists publicly).
Everyone else calls it:
“The political equivalent of trying to solve a Rubik’s
cube while blindfolded.”
SECTION 6 - WHY BRITAIN
PRETENDS NOT TO REMEMBER ANY OF THIS
Ah yes, the British.
The empire that:
- Created
Jordan
- Installed
its monarchy
- Drew
its borders
- Wrote
the Arab Revolt flag used today
- Created
Mandatory Palestine
- Created
the problem
- Left
without solving the problem
- Left
a note saying “Please sort yourselves out”
Today, UK diplomats behave like someone who spills tea on
your carpet and then says:
“Oh wow, who made this mess?”
British textbooks today summarize it politely as:
“Post-war administrative rearrangements.”
Historians summarize it as:
“What happens when borders are drawn by people who have
never seen the desert.”
SECTION 7 - THE FLAG
PROBLEM NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT
This creates awkward questions:
- Why
is a flag designed by a British diplomat the basis of multiple national
identities?
- Why
do Palestinians use the flag of an Arab revolt led by Saudi princes?
- Why
do national movements share identical symbols?
Because nationalism in the Middle East emerged from…
1. British diplomacy
2. Hashemite ambitions
3. Anti-Ottoman coalitions
4. A poetic desire to not be Turkish anymore
SECTION 8 - THE REAL
QUESTION: WHO SHOULD CONTROL THE WEST BANK?
Let’s examine the strange irony:
Israel captured the West Bank…
…from Jordan.
Jordan captured it…
So the modern debate is:
SECTION 9 - WHY THIS
DEBATE MATTERS IN 2025
Because every peace negotiation hides this buried truth:
The “two-state solution” is built on British borders
Just convenient imperial pencil strokes.
And yet…
Everyone still treats those pencil lines like divine
scripture.
Even though:
- Jordan
needs the West Bank to stay separate.
- Israel
needs Jordan stable.
- Palestinians
need land.
- Saudi
Arabia wants stability.
- The
US wants elections.
- The
EU wants to feel relevant.
And everyone wants to pretend the Ottoman Empire never
existed.
PART 5
THE GEOPOLITICAL DOMINOES NO ONE WANTS TO KNOCK OVER
A Middle East reality check, wrapped in satire, dipped
in archival truth, served warm by The WTF Global Times.
This section explains why every peace plan since Moses
has failed for the same three mathematical reasons, why 2025
political actors resemble malfunctioning GPS systems, and why the region
keeps syncing to Sykes-Picot Wi-Fi even when the router is technically
broken.
Let's begin.
SECTION 1 - THE
UNCOMFORTABLE MAP BEHIND ALL MODERN NEGOTIATIONS
Every negotiation today - from Oslo to Aqaba to Washington
to Riyadh - is built on one unstated assumption:
“Please pretend the Ottoman map didn’t exist.”
Diplomats at every table know the truth:
- Jordan’s
borders = British design
- Iraq’s
monarchy = imported
- Syria’s
shape = French compromise
- Lebanon’s
borders = drawn using a pencil and Maronite lobbying
- Palestine
= Southern Syria under Ottoman law
- Israel
= Born out of post-Ottoman restructuring
It is the region’s worst-kept secret - like an uncle who
claims he doesn’t snore.
And this is where the first domino appears:
DOMINO 1 - The Borders
Don’t Match the Peoples, and the Peoples Don’t Match the Borders
The Middle East’s modern structure suffers from a basic
algebra problem:
Borders ≠ Ethnic groups
Borders ≠ Historical claims
Borders ≠ Demographic realities
Borders ≠ Religious boundaries
This is why:
- The
Palestinian identity matured under Jordanian rule
- Jordan’s
population is mostly Palestinian-origin
- Israel’s
population includes Jews expelled from Arab states
- Lebanon’s
identity is a multi-sect balancing act
- Iraq’s
unity relies on historical imagination
- Syria
pretends to be a cohesive nation
In other words:
SECTION 2 - THE “THREE
MATHEMATICAL REASONS” EVERY PEACE PLAN FAILS
Every failed peace plan - from 1937 to 2025 - collapses for
one of these three immutable equations.
**Equation 1:
Two Peoples + One Sacred Land = Infinite Deadlock**
Mathematically unresolvable.
**Equation 2:
This single contradiction crushes every peace plan like a
bug.
**Equation 3:
Historical Claims > Diplomatic Compromises**
Every side’s narrative is older, louder, and more
emotionally charged than modern diplomacy:
- Jews
argue ancient presence.
- Palestinians
argue continuous presence.
- Jordanians
argue custodial presence.
- British
archives argue “Oops, sorry about that.”
When a negotiator says:
“Let’s focus on practical solutions,”
the participants hear:
“Please abandon your ancestors.”
This never works.
SECTION 3 - WHY EVERY
COUNTRY IS SECRETLY PLAYING THE SAME GAME
Regardless of public statements, every nation in this saga
is running the same internal algorithm:
“Stability for me, chaos for them, legitimacy for
everyone.”
Let’s decode each player:
Israel - Wants
stability without conceding irreversible borders
Israel’s strategy:
- Keep
Jordan stable
- Prevent
West Bank chaos
- Avoid
Hamas expansion
- Avoid
demographic suicide
- Avoid
ideological retreat
This paradox is why Israel’s policy always looks conflicted.
Jordan - Wants
to exist without being redefined
Jordan’s fear:
“If we are Palestine, we lose the kingdom.”
Hence:
- Aggressive
rejection of confederation ideas
- Protection
of Hashemite legitimacy
- Emphasis
on custodial rights in Jerusalem
Palestinians -
Want statehood without losing identity
Modern Palestinian nationalism emerged after 1948 and
solidified after 1967.
Thus:
- Reject
being absorbed by Jordan
- Reject
partial sovereignty
- Reject
truncated proposals
- Reject
external definitions of their identity
Their nationalism is modern, powerful, rooted, emotional,
and central to the conflict.
Saudi Arabia -
Wants regional order without empowering extremists
Saudi priority list:
- Keep
Iran contained
- Keep
Muslim Brotherhood marginalized
- Keep
Hamas out of statehood discussions
- Keep
Jordan stable
- Keep
the US partnership functional
A Hashemite-led Palestinian-Jordanian fusion is appealing to
Riyadh.
But the world isn’t ready to say that aloud.
Turkey - Wants
Ottoman nostalgia without Ottoman responsibility
Turkey sees itself as:
- Protector
of Muslims
- Reviver
of Ottoman prestige
- Counterweight
to Gulf monarchies
But it also quietly knows:
“The Ottoman borders created this mess, and we don’t want to
clean it.”
United States -
Wants a peace plan that fits into a re-election speech
Every U.S. president, including Trump 2025, wants:
- A
deal
- A
photo-op
- A
legacy moment
- Zero
American casualties
- Zero
political backlash at home
So America produces:
- Roadmaps
- Frameworks
- Vision
documents
- Conferences
- Incentive
packages
And all collapse when confronted by Equations 1–3.
European Union
- Wants relevance
SECTION 4 - EVERY
MODERN CRISIS IS A REPLAY OF AN OLD CRISIS
This is not a conflict.
This is a looping historical algorithm.
The tragedy is that everyone keeps rebooting it instead of
uninstalling it.
SECTION 5 - THE
MODERN PEACE PLAN NOBODY ADMITS IS SECRETLY ON THE TABLE
Behind closed doors, every major power knows the only model
that “sort of” works:
Israel keeps its security buffer.
It is never publicly articulated because:
- Palestinians
reject loss of sovereignty
- Jordanians
reject identity fusion
- Israelis
reject permanent security exposure
- Saudis
reject public involvement
- Americans
reject political backlash
Thus, the only realistic plan is also the only unspoken
plan.
SECTION 6 - THE
REGION’S BIGGEST FEAR: A GEOPOLITICAL “REVEAL” MOMENT
A single statement could collapse every narrative:
“Jordan is the Palestinian state created in 1921.”
or
“The West Bank was Jordanian territory until 1988.”
or
“The Palestinian flag is based on a British-designed
revolt flag.”
or
“The demographic composition disrupts the political
slogans.”
One public recognition of these truths would undo decades of
diplomacy.
Thus:
The world maintains a polite silence - like a family ignoring who actually broke the expensive vase.
SECTION 7 - THE PARADOX
OF SOVEREIGNTY AND MYTHOLOGY
Modern Middle Eastern identity is built on:
- Archival
evidence
- Oral
histories
- Emotional
memory
- Colonial
documentation
- Religious
traditions
- National
narratives
Conflict persists because each side looks through a
different historical projector.
Yet all their projections overlay on the same tiny rectangle
of land.
SECTION 8 - WHY 2025 IS
A TURNING POINT
Several dominos are wobbling:
- Saudi
normalization with Israel
- Jordan’s
demographic pressure
- Palestinian
political fragmentation
- Israeli
internal polarization
- Turkish
regional reassertion
- Iranian
ambitions
- American
retreat from global dominance
This combination means the next shift - political or
territorial - will be historic.
Whether peaceful or chaotic depends on whether leaders
understand the equations of Part 5.
PART 6
SUMMARY
“Ottoman Ghosts, Flag Wars & The Mandate Meltdown: A Historical Soap Opera the Middle East Never Asked For”
How the British redrew continents with a ruler, how Jordan became Palestine 1.0, and why the Ottoman ghosts are filing customer complaints in 2025.
When
History Sneezes, the Middle East Gets Pneumonia
If you ever wondered how a region with 4,000 years of
continuous civilization ended up with borders drawn like a drunk toddler’s
coloring book, look no further than the British Empire, which approached
cartography with the same energy as a tea-soaked intern trying to meet a Friday
deadline.
And now - 100 years later - everyone is still arguing about:
- who
is indigenous,
- who
is imported,
- who
is a refugee,
- who
is a king,
- who
is an occupier,
- and
who deserves a flag with a red triangle.
Meanwhile, the Ottoman ghosts hover above the region
muttering:
“We leave for five minutes, and THIS is what you people do?”
President Trump, upon being briefed in 2025, famously
responded:
“I tried making peace, but honestly, I think even I
need subtitles for this plot.”
Hold onto your fez hats, folks - Part 6 is where geopolitics
meets cosmic comedy and historical PTSD.
SECTION I - WHEN THE
OTTOMAN EMPIRE WAS ACCIDENTALLY DELETED
For over 400 years, the region now known as:
- Israel
- Jordan
- Syria
- Iraq
- Lebanon
- Palestine
…was part of a single Ottoman administrative system that
lasted longer than the United States has existed.
Then, World War I happened.
And the British Foreign Office said:
“What if we simply… didn’t have an Ottoman Empire
anymore?”
Boom. Deleted from history faster than your embarrassing
TikTok drafts.
Ottoman Ghost #1, reviewing CNN in 2025:
“Why is everyone treating 1917 like the Big Bang? We were
here since before Shakespeare!”
SECTION II - THE ARAB
REVOLT: MARKETING CAMPAIGN OR ACTUAL REVOLT?
The Western myth goes like this:
“The Arabs heroically rose against Ottoman tyranny!”
The footnote - which somehow gets lost every time -
says:
“With British officers, British guns, British money,
British maps, British flags, British uniforms, British propaganda, and British
objectives.”
It was less “revolt” and more:
The first recorded instance of geopolitical outsourcing.
T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia), the most famous British
influencer before Instagram, convinced the world that:
“Arabs rose spontaneously!”
Meanwhile, local Arabs in Palestine watched Hashemite
princes from the Hijaz (modern Saudi Arabia) gallop in shouting:
“We’re your new kings! Courtesy of the British Empire™!”
It was like Uber Eats, but for monarchies.
SECTION III - FLAG
WARS: COPY. PASTE. COLONIZE. REPEAT.
SURPRISE!
They all come from a flag template designed by British
diplomat Mark Sykes - the same guy who invented Sykes-Picot, a map that
still gives the Middle East migraines.
It’s the same design, with minor edits:
- Add
a star → Iraq
- Remove
star → Palestine
- Keep
layout → Jordan
- Change
triangle size → Hejaz
- Keep
original → Arab Revolt
British Diplomat #2, circa 1916:
“Sir, shall we perhaps let the people design their own
flags?”
British Diplomat #1:
“Nonsense! We’ll give them all the same one. They’ll never
notice.”
This is why, in 2025, onlookers joke:
“The Middle East didn’t get independence. It got a
franchise.”
SECTION IV - JORDAN:
THE ORIGINAL PALESTINIAN STATE (BUT DON’T SAY THAT IN DIPLOMATIC CIRCLES)
Here’s the historical reality - documented, archived,
undeniable:
- The
British Mandate for Palestine originally included both sides of the
Jordan River.
- In
1921, Britain sliced off 78% of the territory to create Transjordan.
- They
installed Abdullah, a Saudi prince, as king - not a local.
- Most
inhabitants were Palestinians.
- Jordan
is majority Palestinian even today.
- Arab
leaders historically said:
- “Jordan
is Palestine.”
- “Palestine
is Jordan.”
But the moment Israel was created next door, these facts
were quietly deleted from political memory like a corrupted Windows file.
Jordanian Official in 1948:
“We are one people.”
Jordanian Official in 1970:
“Well… not today.”
Modern diplomats:
“Don’t bring this up at the U.N., please.”
Meanwhile, historians scream into the void.
SECTION V - 1948: WHEN
THE BRITISH LEFT AND EVERYTHING EXPLODED
When the British Mandate expired, all the kingdoms they
created came charging in to attack the newborn Jewish state:
- Egypt
- Jordan
- Iraq
They:
- expelled
Jews from East Jerusalem and Hebron,
- destroyed
synagogues,
- smashed
60,000 Jewish tombstones,
- and
turned others into latrines, walkways, and construction material.
In 1956 the Queen of England knighted Glubb Pasha.
Ottoman Ghost #2:
“The British left, but the British-staffed armies stayed.
Truly the Wi-Fi of colonialism.”
SECTION VI - THE
PALESTINIAN NATIONAL CHARTER PLOT TWIST
“Sacred Palestinian territory since time immemorial.”
WTF Global Times Translation:
“Territory is like cryptocurrency. Its value changes
depending on who holds it.”
SECTION VII -
SYKES–PICOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: THE IMPERIAL CARTOGRAPHY RECOVERY MEETING
Here’s what happened in that infamous 1916 agreement:
British Official:
“Let’s draw a line from this random point to that random
point.”
French Official:
“Splendid! And what about the people living there?”
British Official:
“Who?”
This was colonialism’s equivalent of a drunken tattoo -
permanent, regrettable, and always requiring explanation.
It created:
- Iraq
(a fusion dish never meant to exist),
- Syria
(a stitched quilt of religious minorities),
- Lebanon
(France’s pet project),
- Transjordan
(British monarchy parking space),
- and
modern Israel (out of Mandatory Palestine).
Middle Eastern historians still hold group therapy sessions
about it.
SECTION VIII -
INDIA–PAKISTAN PARTITION: THE PARALLEL NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT
Both partitions - India/Pakistan and Palestine/Jordan - were
designed by the same empire around the same time.
But here’s the difference:
- Muslims
fleeing India were absorbed by Pakistan
- Arabs
fleeing Israel were not absorbed by Jordan
Hence:
- refugees
in one region
- refugee
camps in another
British Official, 1947:
“Quick, divide India!”
British Official, 1921:
“Quick, divide Palestine!”
British Official, 2025 (hypothetical):
“Quick, blame someone else!”
WTF TRUMP
COMMENTARY
At a recent briefing, President Trump responded to a
45-minute historical explanation by saying:
“So what you’re saying is… everyone fought everyone because
of a British guy with a ruler?”
When told that the same flag was used for nearly every Arab
revolt kingdom, Trump blinked twice and said:
“Sounds like they all bought the same merch pack.”
When informed that Jordan was originally part of Palestine,
he replied:
“Well nobody told me! Why don’t they teach this in school?
Actually, don’t answer that. I already know.”
TOP COMMENT
PICKS
Commenter #1
“I leave for 100 years and you people turn the place into a
geography exam.”
Commenter #2
“My great-grandfather drew the line wrong. Sorry about
that.”
Commenter #3
“Waiting for the U.N. to unblock me.”
Commenter #4
“Your border request ticket has been closed automatically.”
FINAL THOUGHT
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL
TIMES
“When Ottoman Ghosts Sue the British Foreign Office for
Malpractice: A Legal Thriller”
and
“A Beginner’s Guide to Identifying Flags That Were
Copy-Pasted by Colonial Diplomats.”
Survive weird. Thrive freaky.
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