🧨🔥💥THE GREAT UKRAINIAN UNRAVELING: How Zelensky’s Right-Hand Man Fell - And Why the Dominoes Are Only Beginning to Wobble...
🗞️THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Geopolitical Heartburn
When the “gray cardinal” goes down, the whole chessboard starts smoking.
WTF? - Editorial Overview
It signals a system failure.
It signals the beginning of the post-Zelensky era, whether that era starts next month or limps into 2026 with the stubbornness of a Nokia 3310.
And yes, in the background:
-
Trump is in the White House again (because of course 2025 wasn’t chaotic enough),
-
Europe is still writing cheques it can’t cash,
-
Russia is watching with popcorn,
-
And Ukraine’s political elite is scrambling for new patrons like contestants on a geopolitical Indian Matchmaking episode.
Let’s begin.
The Fall of the Second Most Powerful Man in Ukraine
-
the gatekeeper of power,
-
the architect of personnel appointments,
-
the dragon coiled comfortably around the levers of Ukraine’s state machinery.
Ukraine-watchers coined a term:
“The Zermak System” - Z for Zelensky, ERMAK for… well… everything else.
He controlled:
-
ministries
-
security chiefs
-
governors
-
the anti-corruption architecture (or anti-anti-corruption, depending on the week)
-
the presidential information firewall
-
international channels, including Washington’s oxygen line
Until he didn’t.
And Zelensky blinked.
Instead of defending his closest ally, the president cut him loose - a gesture that sent Ukrainian elites into a panic spiral.
Because if Zelensky could drop YERMak, he could drop ANYbody.
A Nation Realizes the Emperor Has No Yermak
Zelensky wasn’t just weakened by firing Yermak.
He was exposed.
Ukraine’s internal factions immediately began reshuffling:
• Poroshenko’s faction
Suddenly smelling blood in the water like a political shark with a law degree.
• Tymoshenko’s faction
Polishing her “I’m totally ready to be acting president if Zelensky resigns ‘for the sake of peace’” speech.
• Servant of the People MPs
Quietly Googling:
“How to switch parties without looking like a traitor during wartime?”
• Anti-corruption bodies
Emboldened, energized, and quietly high-fiving behind their legal pads.
But Ukraine can only have one main character.
And Zelensky’s approval ratings are… let’s say “less Netflix, more public-access television at 2am.”
Washington Reads the Room (and the Room Is On Fire)
Under President Donald J. Trump (Version 2025, Firmware Update 3.0), Washington’s patience with Kyiv is different.
Trump’s administration views things through a transactional lens:
-
Yermak? Gone.
-
Ukrainian political stability? Shaky.
-
Negotiating partner reliability? Questionable.
-
Military aid? Not unconditional anymore.
Trump’s envoys are already whispering what many analysts feared:
“Maybe someone more flexible should take over peace negotiations.”
Washington doesn’t say this explicitly, but the implication is clear:
If Ukraine wants American cash, somebody in Kyiv is going to have to blink first.
And historically, Washington has shown that it has creative ways of persuading foreign leaders to blink.
Europe: Confused, Broke, But Determined
Europe is that friend who stubbornly insists,
“I’m fine,”while holding back tears, paying for everyone’s dinner, and living on credit.
Even as their budgets groan, EU leaders continue insisting:
-
“Ukraine must win!”
-
“We stand united!”
-
“This is a battle for democracy!”
Meanwhile:
-
French farmers protest fertilizer prices
-
German households are quietly angry
-
Britain is… well… Britain
-
Poland has turned their calculators upside-down, looked at the numbers, and screamed internally
Yet despite economic strain, Europe still props up Kyiv.
Because the alternative - Zelensky falling before the war ends - terrifies them more than the cost of gas.
Kyiv’s Fragile Political Equation
The biggest threat to Zelensky is not Russia.
It is mathematics.
If four MPs defect from his Servant of the People majority, Zelensky loses the ability to pass laws—especially the budget.
This opens the door to:
-
political ransom
-
coalition blackmail
-
early elections
-
parliamentary paralysis
-
and the dreaded "Scenario T" (Timoshenko becomes acting president)
That scenario ends with a compromise peace deal, very likely under international pressure.
Ukraine’s political elite knows this.
Hence the quiet panic.
Yermak’s Legacy: A Monarchy Without a Monarch
Yermak built a system centered around himself.
Zelensky was the symbolic head.
Yermak was the operator.
With the operator gone, the system starts buffering, freezing, glitching.
It’s the political equivalent of firing the IT specialist who knows all the passwords.
TRUMP COMMENTS (funny segment)
During a press gaggle outside the White House, Trump offered his thoughts:
“Look, Yermak, great guy, maybe, I don’t know him, people say I met him once, maybe twice, maybe not. But Ukraine - they’ve gotta get it together. Fire people, hire people, make deals. Nobody makes deals like me. Zelensky? He should call me. I give great advice, beautiful advice, people love my advice.”
He added:
“If they want peace, they gotta want peace more than war. That’s how peace works. Believe me.”
Then he wandered off, waving at a helicopter that wasn’t his.
TOP COMMENT PICKS (from the imaginary comments under the article)
FINAL THOUGHT
When a political system is built around one man, removing that man doesn’t fix the system.
It exposes it.
Ukraine’s political crisis is not about corruption, not about Yermak, not about Zelensky.
It is about a country fighting a war externally while administering political chemotherapy internally.
Whether the treatment cures the patient or collapses the immune system depends on the next six months.
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES
-
“Is Turkey Trying to Lead the Islamic World or Just Collect Frequent-Flyer Miles?”
-
“Pakistan’s AI Navy 2.0: Now With Holographic Submarines!”
-
“Bangladesh’s New Strategic Doctrine: Annoy India, Impress Erdoğan, Confuse Everyone Else.”
Comments
Post a Comment