✂️Cut from the Start: The WTF World of Female Genital Mutilation...
🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: One Foot in the Grave, One Hand on the Scalpel
Inside the Bloodied Truth of Birth, Blame & Brutality — and the Absurd Global Shrug
By: Florence Grit & Tusk Mahogany, WTF Global Correspondents for Sharp Affairs
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… then, well, we told you so.
Pregnancy Roulette and Cultural Chainsaws
If childbirth is a risky miracle, then childbirth in sub-Saharan Africa is Russian roulette with no bullets left in the chamber—because the chamber is the grave.
But it’s not just about babies. It’s about butchery masquerading as tradition.
It’s about female genital mutilation (FGM)—a procedure so medically useless and spiritually unfounded, it’s like giving girls a lobotomy because grandma said so.
And while the world debates pronouns, style guides, and Twitter bans, over 230 million women and girls are walking around with scars that scream silence.
Some are dead.
Many are broken.
And somehow, this is still happening in 2025.
Let’s break this down WTF style.
PART ONE: The Womb Is a War Zone
In Chad, there’s a saying: “A woman who is pregnant has one foot in the grave.” That’s not poetry. That’s a death statistic in motion.
In sub-Saharan Africa, 1 in every 224 live births ends with the mother dying. That’s like playing Monopoly, landing on “Go,” and dying before you collect your $200.
Compare that to the U.S.—1 in 6,000. Sure, your OB-GYN might forget your name, but they probably won’t kill you.
So, what’s killing these women? Not just hemorrhaging, eclampsia, and infection. What’s killing them is bureaucracy, corruption, silence, poverty—and yes, a medieval mindset wrapped in cultural cling wrap.
THE PHARAOHS OF FGM: CUTTING GIRLS IN THE NAME OF WHO-KNOWS-WHAT
FGM, or female genital mutilation, is the ceremonial amputation of female genitals.
You know, like a girl’s body is a Lego set with “extra parts.”
- No health benefits
- No religious requirement
- Just... suffering, incontinence, infertility, infection, PTSD, and sometimes death.
In Somalia, 98% of women aged 15-49 have undergone FGM. The other 2% probably fled or died trying.
Even worse? Many families defend it.
“My grandmother was cut, so my mom was cut, so I cut my daughter.” Generational trauma as a family recipe.
MEET THE HEROES: BLEEDING HEARTS VS BLEEDING GIRLS
Angela Gorman
A retired nurse from Wales, Gorman now runs Life for African Mothers (LFAM). Instead of retiring into tea and tranquility, she decided to fight death-by-childbirth with nothing but midwives, misoprostol, and moral outrage.
Since LFAM started:
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Maternal death rates in Sierra Leone have dropped from 1 in 7 to 1 in 74.
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Thousands of women have survived postpartum hemorrhage thanks to donated medicine.
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Local midwives have been trained to spot complications before the baby’s a stillborn tragedy.
Angela’s activism is personal—her grandmother died in childbirth. Now, she’s avenging her memory one baby at a time.
Ifrah Ahmed
A Somali survivor of FGM who fled to Ireland at 17, Ifrah now runs the Ifrah Foundation. She’s spent over a decade fighting the monstrous normalcy of genital cutting.
She’s met with presidents. She’s spoken to parliaments. She launched the “Dear Daughter” campaign, asking parents to pledge not to cut their girls.
So far? Over 100,000 pledges. But the law in Somalia? Still pending. Because apparently, child torture is still up for debate if you phrase it as “cultural preservation.”
TRUMP COMMENTS (Because He’s President, Remember?)
“Look, I’ve built buildings. Beautiful buildings. But this FGM thing? DISGUSTING. DISASTROUS. Hillary probably invented it. I banned TikTok, maybe we ban genital scissors too. You’re welcome.”
“Angela and Ifrah? Tremendous women. Beautiful patriots. If we had more people like that, Fauci wouldn’t have gotten away with lockdowns. Just saying.”
“We’re sending tanks to Somalia. Tanks full of midwives. Tanks with scissors—but, like, the medical kind, okay?”
THE NUMBERS THAT SCREAM
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230 million: Number of women and girls worldwide who have undergone FGM.
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98%: Rate of FGM in Somalia.
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60,000: Women who die each year in Nigeria from preventable birth complications.
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1 in 74: Lifetime risk of maternal death in Sierra Leone (better than before, still bonkers).
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0: Valid medical reasons for FGM.
WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING?
The root causes are many. Here’s the unholy trinity:
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Poverty – It’s hard to fight bad traditions when you can’t afford clean water.
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Silence – Taboo topics stay taboo when no one’s allowed to scream.
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Religion & Culture™ – A magic word people use to justify the unjustifiable.
TOP COMMENT PICKS
@UterusWhisperer92: “If men had to get circumcised with bottle caps in a dirt hut, FGM would’ve been outlawed in 200 B.C.”
@CutTheCrap: “Is there an NFT campaign for anti-FGM yet? Maybe that’s what it takes.”
@Angela4Queen: “Midwives are the true frontline soldiers. The rest of us are just tweeting from the bunker.”
@IfrahIsMyHero: “She turned her pain into a movement. I complain when Starbucks spells my name wrong.”
FINAL THOUGHT
FGM isn’t a "women’s issue." It’s a human issue. It’s a moral collapse camouflaged as tradition. It’s violence with a ribbon on it. It’s not okay in 2025, and it wasn’t okay in 1025.
If we can send billionaires to space for fun, maybe we can stop sending little girls into labor with missing organs and no anesthesia.
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:
👁️🗨️ This WTF is 100% uterus-aware, tear-tested, and medically certified as a rage stimulant. No deep state edits. No genital denial. Just vibes.
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