🥖“Frank-a-Stine” Is Born: Macron Declares Palestinian State, On the French Riviera?...
A Mediterranean monstrosity of diplomacy, denial, and baguette-based betrayal.
By: Jean-Luc le Woké, Senior Correspondent for Strategic WTF Affairs
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then we’ll have no choice.
INTRO:
In what can only be described as the most French attempt at geopolitical problem-solving since Napoleon tried to invade Russia in winter, French President Emmanuel Macron has unilaterally declared that France will recognize the State of Palestine... at the United Nations… in September… with the vague backing of foie gras and good intentions.
But hold your croissants—because the U.S. response came fast and furious. Trump roared. Marco Rubio raged. Mike Huckabee, in a caffeine-fueled prophecy, announced that the Palestinian state would be established on the French Riviera, and shall henceforth be called… wait for it… “Frank-a-Stine.”
Welcome to the latest episode of EU Makes a Statement, Middle East Burns, and America Screams Into a Microphone—a tale of absurdity, ideology, and very expensive wine.
MACRON GOES FULL MIDDLE EASTERN MONARCH
On July 25, President Macron, after presumably consulting the ghost of Yasser Arafat and a bottle of 1942 Bordeaux, announced on X (formerly Twitter, now just unhinged) that France will officially recognize a Palestinian state in September 2025 at the UN General Assembly.
The post was accompanied by a filtered picture of Macron looking wistfully at the horizon, possibly dreaming of a two-state solution... or just wishing Parisians wouldn’t riot this week.
Macron’s logic?
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Ceasefire in Gaza: check.
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Disarm Hamas: sure.
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Security for Israel: definitely.
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Build a new state: oui.
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Location? Um… TBD.
And so, with all the nuance of a mime in a hurricane, Macron declared peace achievable if everyone would just agree to his fantasy PowerPoint map of the Middle East.
THE ISRAELI REACTION: ABSOLUTELY NOT
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu responded faster than a Mossad agent spotting a Hamas tunnel.
His message was clear:
The Palestinians don’t want a state beside Israel—they want a state instead of Israel.
Foreign Minister Gideon Sa’ar doubled down:
“A Palestinian state will be a Hamas state. Just like the last one we tried to give them in 2005, and then boom—rockets, tunnels, Kalashnikovs, and Netflix docuseries about genocidal jihad.”
Defense Minister Israel Katz added a touch of Holocaust trauma for seasoning:
“This is a reward for terror. The worst massacre since the Holocaust, and Macron wants to gift-wrap a state? Maybe he should try fixing Paris before he fixes Gaza.”
TRUMP COMMENTS: (Live from Mar-a-Lago Poolside Press Conference)
President Donald J. Trump, 47th President of the United States, said:
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“Macron? Total disaster. Okay? I’ve seen more spine in a jellyfish. Sad little jellyfish.”
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“We don’t need Frank-a-Stine. We need France to stop burning down every July.”
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“If Macron wants to give them land, great. Give them Marseille. Nobody likes Marseille. It’s like Gaza with better wine.”
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“I told Bibi—Benjamin is my friend—I said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll veto the hell out of this thing.’ And we will. Big veto. Tremendous veto. The best veto.”
HUCKABEE’S BOMBSHELL: WELCOME TO FRANK-A-STINE
Mike Huckabee, U.S. Ambassador to Israel, dropped the mic with this legendary tweet:
“Macron’s unilateral 'declaration' of a Palestinian state did not specify where it would be. I can now exclusively reveal: France will offer the French Riviera. The name of the new state will be Frank-a-Stine.”
Yes.
Frank-a-Stine.
A Frankenstein of diplomacy. A zombie-state stitched together with EU guilt, UN champagne, and Hamas bullet points. Population: 1.3 million Gazan evacuees and four former members of BDS Paris.
Tourism slogan?
Come for the sea. Stay for the international investigations.
WTF DIPLOMACY IN ACTION
As Macron imagines a demilitarized Gaza functioning like a neutral Switzerland with shrapnel, the rest of the West collectively groans. Here's what might actually happen if this plan goes through:
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France is now at risk of hosting literal beachside intifadas.
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Hezbollah might apply for Schengen visas.
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UNESCO will be pressured to name “Hamas Naval Commandos” as an intangible cultural heritage.
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The Eiffel Tower might be renamed the Al-Aqsa Pylon.
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Jordan’s King Abdullah will need a Valium IV drip.
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UNHCR will open an office in Cannes.
TOP COMMENT PICKS:
@KippahKiller420: “If Macron really wants to build Palestine on the Riviera, does that mean Tel Aviv gets the Louvre?”
@CroissantCaliphate: “Frank-a-Stine is a vibe. I’d move there. Rent-controlled bunkers and falafel on the beach.”
@TrumpFan_1978: “Palestine? In France? I’ve seen bad ideas, but this one’s got baguettes and jihad. Thanks, Macron.”
@MarxWasMAGA: “Imagine explaining to Napoleon that in 2025, France would be hosting Hamas with free WiFi.”
@AshkelonAvenger: “If Macron keeps this up, we’re annexing the Eiffel Tower and calling it Herzl Tower. Let’s go.”
FINAL THOUGHT:
Macron’s decision to recognize a Palestinian state was supposed to be symbolic.
A gesture.
A whisper of European elegance in the dusty chaos of Middle East geopolitics.
But this whisper has become a scream, and that scream sounds suspiciously like “Allahu Akbar” echoing off the Cannes Film Festival red carpet.
France, desperate for global relevance and domestic distraction, has now inserted itself into a post-October 7 trauma loop with the diplomatic finesse of a mime juggling grenades.
Trump is vetoing.
Bibi is fuming.
Huckabee is tweeting from orbit.
And Macron?
He’s probably rehearsing his UN speech while sipping Perrier and wondering if the Palestinian state anthem should be autotuned.
The road to peace may or may not go through Gaza.
But the road to hell?
Apparently, it now has a scenic coastal detour called Frank-a-Stine.
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:
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