🕶️From Tehran with Hate: How Iran’s Civilian Strike Fest Became the Airbnb for Ballistic Missiles...

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When Ayatollahs Play SimCity with Real Civilians, and the UN Still Forgets Its Password

By the WTF Newsroom

Analysis | Satire | Geo-WTF Watch

Edition: July 2025 | Trump’s Second Term, Day 195

Bat Yam or Baghdad?

Bat Yam, Israel. Once a tranquil coastal suburb known for falafel, beach volleyball, and grumpy old men who yell at pigeons, now has the distinction of being ground zero in a live-fire PowerPoint presentation by the Islamic Republic of Iran. The message?

“Screw your Geneva Conventions, here’s 550 ballistic missiles.”

Yes, that’s right. In the 12-day hellstorm that was the Israel-Iran war of June 2025, over 550 Iranian missiles were fired, leaving 36 confirmed impact sites and a lot of confused analysts still trying to figure out if Qom is short for "Qompletely off the rails."

But here's where it gets darker than a Tehran blackout during cyberwarfare hour:

Most of the targets were civilians.

Let that sink in like a drone through an Ayatollah’s panic bunker ceiling.

WTF?

This isn’t just a war story. It’s a freaky, real-world episode of “When Dictators Snap.” Iran didn’t just throw a tantrum. It launched a legal catastrophe — one ballistic warhead at a time.

550 Missiles, Zero Excuses

According to Israeli officials, while 6 missiles hit military targets and 1 stray warhead smacked the edge of the IDF headquarters like a drunken tourist in Tel Aviv, the rest targeted apartment complexes, shopping centers, and neighborhoods where the most dangerous weapon is usually an undercooked sabich.

28 Israeli civilians died.
1 off-duty soldier was killed while sheltering at home.
Iran’s official response?
“This was retaliation for Zionist crimes.”

Translation: “We were angry and Google Maps misfired.”

No, This Isn’t War. It’s Terror Diplomacy.

Targeting civilians is not just morally disgusting. It’s a war crime.

But Iran has a time-tested strategy when it comes to international law: Deny, Delay, Delete Tweet.

To them, targeting women and children in Israel is just “strategic messaging.”

To the rest of the sane world, it's a reminder that you can’t spell 'Ayatollah' without 'A lotta psychosis'.

And the UN?

Ah, yes. The United Nothing.

You’d think that launching 550 missiles at cities would trigger a global outcry. Maybe even an emergency meeting? A strongly worded tweet?

Nope.

Francesca Albanese and her friends at UNHRC were too busy writing sonnets about Gaza to notice Israelis digging out of the rubble.

The Trump Doctrine: "Hit Back. Then Hit Again. Then Sanction Their Cousins."

President Donald J. Trump — in his second term and running foreign policy like a bull in a burning nuclear facility — didn’t waste time.

“Iran thinks it can kill civilians and get away with it? Think again. We’re sanctioning the hell out of their goats next.”

White House insiders say Trump is also considering pushing for a UN General Assembly vote to rename the Ayatollah “Supreme Loser” and appoint the Mossad as honorary chair of the International Criminal Court. (Unofficial. But the merch is selling out.)

Iran’s Excuse Factory

Back in Tehran, state TV insists it’s all Israeli propaganda.

According to them:

The missiles “accidentally” landed on apartment blocks because of “air pressure interference from Zionist winds.”
The 28 dead civilians were “probably Mossad holograms.”
Satellite footage of missile strikes? “Deepfakes funded by Netflix.”

Meanwhile, Nasrallah remains ghosted, most likely reduced to radioactive ash last year, and Iran’s supreme leader is said to be hiding in a fortified bunker under a shrine to Qasem Soleimani and vintage Hezbollah calendars.

Israeli Restraint or Calculated Revenge?

While Israel’s Iron Dome intercepted most of the attack, many were left questioning:

Why didn’t Israel just go full “Samson Option”?

Because Israel doesn’t need to prove it can destroy Iran.

It just needed to prove that Iran has already destroyed itself.

Postscript: This Is Not Just About Israel

Let’s be clear: if Iran gets away with this, the next target won’t be Tel Aviv. It might be Dubai. Baku. Athens. Mumbai.

Iran has shown it's willing to turn war into a global game of "Pin the Warhead on the Civilian."

If the West doesn’t hold Iran accountable — and fast — it sends a clear message to every rogue regime and basement warlord:

“Hey, terrorism works. And you get to go on CNN after.”

Final Word from WTF HQ

This wasn’t a war. This was an aerial tantrum from a regime that’s bleeding, cornered, and combusting under its own incompetence.

And instead of apologizing, they’re gaslighting the world with press releases.

So yes — justice must be served. Not because Israel demands it. But because Bat Yam was just the trailer. And if you let psychopaths test the limits of legality and humanity without consequence — eventually, the sequel comes to your city.

Comments Section:

🗣️ @ZionLion89:

"If a democracy fired 550 missiles at civilians, the UN would be in cardiac arrest. But since it's Iran, they just call it ‘resistance’ and go back to brunch."

🗣️ @FreeKarbala93:

"Did you notice the missiles only got accurate when civilians were the targets? IRGC is like a drunk sniper with perfect aim at school zones."

🗣️ @TrumpFanTelAviv:

“President Trump says next time Iran tries this, he’s sending Hunter Biden as US envoy. Ayatollahs will surrender immediately out of sheer confusion.”

🗣️ @UNWatcherWTF:

"Still waiting for Francesca Albanese to condemn 28 dead civilians. But sure, let’s keep blaming Jews for existing."

A follow-up article. Ready to deploy:

“Ayatollah vs. International Law: Who Will Win (Hint: Not Khamenei’s Liver)”?

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