✨"Palestine-on-Paper": Macron Declares a State Into Existence (Sort Of)...
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News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Diplomatic Delusion With a Side of Croissants
France Recognizes a Country That Doesn’t Exist—Next Week, Macron Declares Himself the Real Slim Shady
By: Basil Falafel & Henri LaGrandeCringe, WTF Bureau of Confused Geopolitics
👁️🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it... or the French try to colonize Gaza with wine and baguettes.
Macron, Messiah of the Imaginary Map
In a move that stunned realists, confused cartographers, and thrilled Hamas propaganda departments from Doha to Tehran, French President Emmanuel “Oui Did It” Macron just announced that France will recognize a Palestinian state—even though said state doesn’t have borders, a functioning government, or, you know, a country.
It's the international relations equivalent of declaring your cat a sovereign entity and demanding UN Security Council voting rights for Whiskers of East Living Room.
Trump, of course, called it “completely irrelevant,” and proceeded to roast Macron so hard, NATO had to apply sunscreen.
Let’s uncork this diplomatic absurdity, swirl it around, sniff the hypocrisy, and taste the vintage delusion—2025 style.
MACRON’S MASTERSTROKE: DIPLOMACY OR DELUSION?
On X (formerly Twitter, now just regret), Macron posted:
“France will recognize the State of Palestine.”
Translation:
“France, a former colonial empire that once surrendered to pastry cravings, now declares borders by vibes and hashtags.”
According to Macron, the Palestinian state must:
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Accept demilitarization
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Recognize Israel
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Hold elections (lol)
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Be peaceful
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Not include Hamas (double lol)
So basically, France just recognized a Palestinian state that doesn’t exist, can't exist, and refuses to exist in the form he demands.
That’s not diplomacy. That’s manifestation politics.
TRUMP COMMENTS (Presidency 2.0, Still Unfiltered)
“Macron’s declaration has about as much power as a French army during a real war. Sad!”
“You can’t just say something exists and expect people to believe it. Unless you're CNN.”
“If France wants to give Hamas a state, maybe they can move them to Marseille. Let’s see how that works out. French baguettes vs Iranian rockets.”
“We recognize Texas. Palestine? Not yet. They’ve got to earn it. Like a Trump golf course.”
WTF IS STATEHOOD, ANYWAY?
Let’s go Montevideo Convention on this mess. A real state needs:
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A permanent population – Check (though 1.7 million live under Hamas, 0 under the PA in Gaza)
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Defined territory – Nope
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A functioning government – Double nope
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Capacity to enter foreign relations – Technically, yes… if you count UNRWA begging as diplomacy
Basically, Palestine meets the requirements for a confused HOA, not a state.
Legal scholars, like Arsen Ostrovsky, say Macron’s gesture is “performative.” That’s French for pointless theater. But with less choreography and more anti-Israel undertones.
WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
Oh nothing. Just:
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Undermining hostage negotiations
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Rewarding Hamas for October 7
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Confusing the already useless UN
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Possibly canceling refugee status (bye UNRWA)
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Empowering terrorists with state swag
By recognizing statehood without borders, governance, or peace, Macron has essentially turned terrorism into a diplomatic business plan.
BACKLASH & BREADSTICKS
France’s Jewish leaders? Furious.
The Israeli government? Laughing while quietly preparing retaliatory diplomatic pain.
The US (Trump’s cabinet)?
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Marco Rubio: “A slap in the face to October 7 victims.”
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Mike Huckabee: “France now recognizes Palestine. In return, the UK recognizes France as a British colony again.”
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Trump: “Let’s make Gaza great again—after Hamas is gone.”
Italy’s Giorgia Meloni joined the "No, grazie" club:
“You can’t recognize a state into existence. That’s like declaring pasta a religion. (Though we’d all convert.)”
Even Keir Starmer in the UK tread carefully. His approach?
“We’ll recognize Palestine… once we finish this very long PowerPoint and hold a Zoom call with Egypt.”
THE IRONY OF RECOGNITION WITHOUT REALITY
It’s like recognizing Narnia because someone read a book and cried.
THE STRATEGY: DELAY ISRAEL, VALIDATE HAMAS
This isn’t about peace. It’s about delegitimizing Israel’s right to exist while canonizing an armed cult with PR flair.
TOP COMMENT PICKS
@BaghdadBaguette: “Macron just gave Hamas the keys to a state. Hope he enjoys ‘rocket diplomacy’ in Paris.”
@RealStatehoodPlz: “France: where Palestine exists but Jews might want to relocate. Again.”
@MapsMatter: “When you recognize a state that doesn’t exist, you might be a European foreign minister.”
@OliveOilCaliphate: “France will recognize Wakanda next week. T’challa to speak at the UN.”
FINAL THOUGHT
Macron’s “recognition” is not diplomacy. It’s an emotional press release wrapped in colonial nostalgia and served with croissant-level confidence.
But recognizing a state that can’t control its own borders, can’t hold elections, and lets its leaders hide in Qatar penthouses isn’t courage. It’s cosplaying international law.
Trump said it best:
“You can’t fix the Middle East by pretending. I tried it with Jared. Still didn’t work.”
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:
👁️🗨️ This WTF is Weird, True & Freaky. 100% Trump-certified. Diplomatically roasted. Legally shredded. No borders, no problem. Just vibes and verified delusion.
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