🎯“They Want to Die”: Trump Threatens Hamas Leaders with Personalized Oblivion...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Ruthless Desert Vengeance with a Side of Diplomatic Gaslighting

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Ceasefire’s Dead. Macron’s Confused. And Hamas Billionaires in Doha Might Want to Cancel Brunch.

By: Habibi “Boom” Barakat & Carmella Snarkstein, WTF Middle East Bureau

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👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… then we’ll reconsider our rating system.

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Hunted Men in Luxury Lobbies

It was the most predictable twist in a saga already drenched in explosive irony:

Donald J. Trump, 47th President of the United States, just told the world that Hamas leaders “will be hunted down.”

The Hamas 5—a group of bearded billionaires reportedly living in palatial comfort across Doha and Istanbul—might want to start checking under their hotel beds. Because Trump didn’t just walk away from Gaza ceasefire talks. He dropkicked them into the Mediterranean and lit the wreckage on fire using a MAGA-branded drone.

“I think they want to die,” Trump said, casually, like he was talking about a bad steak. And just like that, Hamas’s last shred of leverage flew out the window—along with Qatar’s PR campaign.

Let’s dive into this madness, WTF style.

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PART ONE: Ceasefire? Never Heard of Her.

The backdrop to Trump’s verbal grenade was a series of collapsed indirect negotiations in Doha, where U.S. envoy Steve Witkoff cut short his trip like it was a bad Tinder date.

His reason?

“Hamas doesn’t want peace. They just want to stall, get their hostages back, and then go back to being Netflix villains.”

Cue Trump’s mic drop moment:

“They have no bargaining chips. And when you’re down to your final hostages, that’s when it gets real.”

Translation:

• Hamas is broke (morally, politically, and strategically).

• Israel’s patience is toast.

• And the U.S. just dusted off its “Kill List: Middle East Edition.”

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PART TWO: Billionaire Martyrs & Al Jazeera Martini Hours

Let’s talk about the Hamas leadership, who Trump now says will be “hunted down.”

Where are they?

• Doha, Qatar: Home to beachfront views, $100M condos, and the world’s most luxurious "terrorist safe haven" package.

• Istanbul, Turkey: The only NATO city where you can order a frappuccino and plan a rocket strike in the same district.

These men—some of whom are literal billionaires—are not in tunnels. They’re not on the front lines. They’re not chewing bark in Khan Younis.

They’re sipping Turkish tea, managing real estate portfolios, and drafting stern responses for Al Jazeera.

And Trump? 

He’s over it.

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TRUMP COMMENTS (Because You Know He Said More)

“Look, these Hamas guys in Doha, I call it ‘Jihad Beverly Hills’—it’s disgusting. Marble floors. Swiss bank accounts. Meanwhile, kids are starving in Gaza. Sad!”

“They said they wanted to die? Okay! I mean, that makes the job easier. Very easy. Faster than drone delivery. Prime shipping. Tremendous accuracy.”

“Macron? He’s a nice guy, but recognizing Palestine right now? That’s like giving an award to your arsonist because he brought his own gasoline.”

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PART THREE: France Tries Peace, Trump Laughs

In an attempt to show moral leadership—or maybe just get more likes on TikTok—French President Emmanuel Macron declared that France now recognizes a Palestinian state.

Trump’s response?

“Doesn’t carry weight. Macron’s a good guy. But honestly? That statement carries about as much weight as a vegan croissant.”

Even Netanyahu rolled his eyes, calling it a “reward for terrorism.”

The WTF reality? 

Macron did what European leaders often do: gesture loudly while doing absolutely nothing of consequence.

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PART FOUR: The Gaza Gambit: Humanitarian Catastrophe vs. Political Poker

As of this week:

• Over 21 people died from malnutrition in 24 hours.

• Aid trucks are blocked.

• Israel blames the UN.

• The UN blames Israel.

• And the people in Gaza just want a piece of bread.

Yet somehow, Hamas still thinks now is a good time to negotiate like it’s 1999.

Steve Witkoff said it bluntly:

“They blew it. They’re out of cards. And the clock just ran out.”

Netanyahu? 

He’s now talking “alternative options” with a tone that suggests airstrikes, commandos, and possibly Mossad showing up in your luxury Qatari gym locker.

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The Hamas Billionaires Club in Exile

These men claim to speak for the people. The only thing they’re speaking into is an iPhone 15 Pro Max while thousands in Gaza die with Nokia-era infrastructure.

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TOP COMMENT PICKS

@TunnelTikTokStar: “If I were a billionaire jihadist, I too would launch wars from a villa and blame the Jews for the WiFi outages.”

@DroneDaddy47: “If Trump says ‘hunted down,’ that means coordinates are already logged. Checkmate, beards.”

@DohaDiplomat69: “I just saw a Hamas guy at the Four Seasons complaining about the hummus. Allah help us all.”

@GazaGhostResister: “So France recognizes Palestine. Can we trade that for one sack of flour and two gallons of fuel?”

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FINAL THOUGHT

The ceasefire is dead. Trump just said the quiet part out loud: 

Hamas leaders are now targets. 

Not in theory. 

Not in spirit. 

In actual GPS-locked, real-time tactical operation kind of way.

This is no longer about truce proposals or Qatari-hosted negotiation brunches. This is the post-peace stage—where you don’t negotiate with people hiding in jacuzzis while their people burn.

And Trump? 

He’s not playing Biden-style “restraint diplomacy.” He’s going full drone cowboy.

So to the billionaires in Qatar and Turkey:

You might want to switch hotels.

And maybe stop broadcasting Zoom calls with tunnel commanders.

Because Uncle Sam is tired, and Donald J. Trump just gave the green light on vengeance.

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NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:

“Mossad, Mint Tea & Murder: The Secret Lives of Terrorist Financiers in Turkish Exile”

Where does Hamas hide its billions? And why do all their safehouses have jacuzzis?

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👁️‍🗨️ This WTF is Weird, True & Freaky. 100% Trump-certified. Mossad-verified. Sharia-denied. Qatari-denounced. No deep state edits. No ceasefire illusions. Just vibes and vengeance.