🧨TRUMP UNESCOs THE UN: America First, Woke Last...
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Trump Drops UNESCO Like It’s Hot—Cites Wokeness, Anti-Israel Bias, and Chinese ‘Cultural Colonization’
By: Liberty McFreedom, Senior Satirical Correspondent
WTF? - UNESCO, You Don’t Know!
In a move so patriotic it made Mount Rushmore blush, President Donald J. Trump—still riding his second-term America First rollercoaster with one hand on the wheel and the other flipping off globalists—has officially yeeted the United States out of UNESCO once again. The reason? “Woke nonsense, anti-Israel propaganda, and suspicious Mandarin accents echoing in every corridor,” according to a 37-tweet thread by the White House press secretary, sent entirely in uppercase.
Trump, who first slammed the cultural and educational body during his first term in 2017 and called it "a blue-hair seminar on global victimhood," re-pulled the U.S. from UNESCO on Tuesday, July 22, 2025, ending what he called “America’s forced subscription to the Netflix of useless international talking shops.”
"It’s a scam," he told reporters while eating KFC off a $300 crystal plate made from melted-down UNESCO peace medals. "They want us to teach boys to cry in pronouns and pretend Jerusalem is in Gaza. It’s disgusting. Not under my watch. Not while I’m driving the Trump Train. Next stop: Freedom Station."
CULTURE SHOCK: UNESCO'S "DIVERSITY" FATWA
UNESCO, originally founded to promote science, education, and cultural preservation, has recently been accused (by everyone wearing red hats) of veering into full-blown cultural Marxist hyperspace. Their 2024 initiative, Global Harmony Through Inclusive Origami, reportedly featured a workshop on folding gender identity flags into sustainable toilet paper origami swans.
But it wasn’t just the woke origami that ruffled feathers. UNESCO passed multiple resolutions labeling Israel’s self-defense operations against Hamas as "war crimes," while simultaneously designating ancient Jewish sites like the Temple Mount as “Palestinian Heritage Goat Corrals.”
Trump’s response? "We love Israel. Israel is smart. Beautiful country. I’ve seen the stones. Tremendous stones. Not Palestinian. Not even close."
DRAGON IN THE ROOM: ENTER THE PANDA
The Trump administration also flagged UNESCO for its increased susceptibility to Chinese influence. According to State Department sources, Beijing has been aggressively promoting cultural guidelines that subtly enforce the Chinese Communist Party’s worldview—like declaring Confucius a UNESCO ‘trans-continental educator’ and mandating that every UNESCO-sponsored book fair contain at least one copy of Xi Jinping’s The Governance of China, sandwiched between The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Drag Queen Story Hour: Ancient Babylonian Edition.
"The CCP is basically writing the syllabus now," said Secretary of Anti-Wokeness, Steve Bannon II. "They even tried to replace Shakespeare with Xi in the Global Literature Curriculum. Next, they’ll demand we call the Great Wall of China the World’s First Border Wall and make it a pilgrimage site for MAGA fans. Honestly, respect."
FUNNY TRUMP COMMENTS:
"UNESCO stands for ‘U Never Educate, Stand with Communists Only.’ I made that up. Tremendous joke. Everybody laughed. Sean Hannity laughed twice."
"I like culture. I built culture. I own more gold-plated culture than France has baguettes."
"We’re replacing UNESCO with something better. Called AMERICA. Ever heard of it?"
UNRAVELING THE THREAD: WHAT IT REALLY MEANS
Trump’s withdrawal marks the third time America has pulled the plug on UNESCO—after Reagan in 1983 and Trump 1.0 in 2017. Former President Biden had rejoined in 2023, praising the organization for “embracing inclusivity, planetary justice, and three-spirit eco-feminism.”
However, Trump’s executive order in February 2025 laid the groundwork for this divorce. It demanded a comprehensive review of all international organizations “for signs of wokeism, anti-Semitism, or communism disguised as environmentalism.”
UNESCO, having failed the test on all three counts (plus a bonus deduction for giving Hamas a children’s literature award), sealed its fate.
TOP COMMENT PICKS:
@RedHatRealist: "UNESCO tried to cancel Beethoven for not using a flute made of recycled tofu. Good riddance."
@TelAvivSkeptic: "UNESCO calls Tel Aviv a 'Zionist Strip Mall' and still expects funding? Trump did the right thing."
@BaristaForBibi: "I spilled coffee on my Palestine Solidarity poster. UNESCO gave me a medal."
FINAL THOUGHT:
Let’s be honest. UNESCO may have started with dreams of chalkboards and pyramids, but it slowly morphed into a UNESCOACHEMY of wokeism, political virtue theater, and bureaucratic flagellations.
Trump’s pullout isn’t just another headline—it’s the exorcism of Western sanity from a UN ghost ship hijacked by identity cultists and confused historians.
As for the U.S.?
Trump says he’ll launch his own cultural agency soon:
TRUMPOSCO: Total Restoration of Unapologetic MAGA Patriotic Original School Curriculum Organization.
Motto: “No Pronouns, Just Patriots.”
NEXT WEEK ON WTF GLOBAL TIMES:
“Biden Says Ukraine is ‘North of Florida’—Mapmakers Demand Apology”
“French Philosopher Cancelled for Quoting Napoleon Without Consent”
“Aliens Refuse to Land Until Humans Understand What ‘Two Genders’ Mean”
Stay tuned.
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