🧁TRUMP V. MURDOCH: THE BIRTHDAY CARD THAT BROKE THE BILLIONAIRE BROTHERHOOD...
A Wall Street Joust, a Naked Doodle, and the President Who Sued a Media Mogul for Fake Cake
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The Setup: A Card, A Lawsuit, A Very Trumpy Crisis
It was the kind of story only 2025 could birth. A birthday card allegedly sent two decades ago to Jeffrey Epstein. A doodle of a naked woman. A signature that might belong to the 47th President of the United States. And the recipient? Deceased billionaire sex offender, Epstein — aka the nuclear warhead of all scandals.
Enter Donald J. Trump, riding a golden escalator of legal fury straight into federal court, declaring that the Wall Street Journal’s reporting was “FAKE NEWS with ink.” The supposed greeting card? “Completely fabricated,” Trump thundered on Truth Social, “probably drawn by a drunk intern at CNN with crayons and issues.”
The Wall Street Journal (WSJ), in what may go down as the most dangerous game of "Happy Birthday" ever played, published the story. Trump — taking a break from managing a booming post-presidency empire, trolling Joe Biden’s holograms, and overseeing the “Make Anime Real” Space Force initiative — filed a defamation lawsuit. Not just against The Journal, but against its 94-year-old emeritus chairman, Rupert Murdoch, personally.
Because if you’re going to sue someone, why not go full Shakespearean?
Why This Lawsuit Is the Legal Equivalent of a Reality Show Pilot
Let’s be clear: This lawsuit isn’t about Epstein, a card, or even the Wall Street Journal's editorial ethics.
This is a billionaire break-up spat televised through legal briefs and fueled by seventy years of New York ego.
Trump’s lawyers, citing Murdoch’s age and “reported collapse over toast in 2023,” asked for an accelerated deposition — i.e., “we want to grill the old man before he dies.” The legal filing felt less like a motion and more like a medieval curse scroll:
“He is old, he is frail, he dwells in New York, and yet the lies he tells may outlive him…”
In short:
Trump wants Murdoch under oath. Fast. Before Rupert floats away like the end of The Lord of the Rings.
The Allegation: A Birthday Card That Never Was?
The WSJ story claimed there was a birthday card — allegedly from Trump to Epstein — complete with a “doodle of a naked woman” and Trump’s unmistakable sharpie scrawl.
Trump denies it ever existed. His press secretary Karoline Leavitt also told WSJ editors:
“The President sends only two kinds of mail — lawsuits and MAGA Christmas cards. That’s it.”
The Journal claims to have heard about the card, but hasn’t produced it. Trump’s lawyers argue that’s because… it doesn’t exist. Which, legally, is a problem. Journalists usually need things like evidence. Not cocktail gossip from disgruntled Palm Beach masseuses.
Murdoch, meanwhile, has said nothing. But his silence? It's louder than the Fox News 2020 election night coverage.
Trump Comments
Trump, on Truth Social, July 28th:
"Rupert and I were once like Batman and Trumpman. But then he joined the Fake News League of Doom. Very sad. VERY OLD!"
At a Florida fundraiser:
“The Journal said I sent Epstein a birthday card with a drawing. Folks, I haven’t drawn anything since I made a map of Iran with a Sharpie. And that map? Won a war.”
After being served:
“Murdoch’s people sent me a legal notice with a Post-it that said, ‘Respectfully decline.’ That’s not even a thing!”
Top Comment Picks
ConstitutionFan420: “This is the best legal drama since Suits got rebooted with Melania.”
PelosiImpersonator: “Murdoch testifying? Hope they bring a Rosetta Stone to decode the mumbling.”
MAGA_Monocle: “What kind of monster fakes a birthday card? That’s sacred territory.”
QAnonBookClub: “The card is fake, but the signature might be real. Have we tried AI penmanship analysis?!”
Final Thought:
This isn’t just a lawsuit. It’s an exorcism of the Fox-Trump symbiosis.
The most powerful megaphone in conservative media just got slapped by the man it made. And all over an alleged cartoon nude on stationery.
In 2025, we don’t send greetings. We send subpoenas.
Next Week on WTF Global Times:
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