💥Gaza’s ‘Journalists’ Are All on the Hamas Payroll? — Even the Ones Interviewing Fish at the Seaside?...
🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
The Great Gaza Media Mix-Up — When “Reporting Live”
Means “Reporting to Hamas Command”
Let’s talk about journalism in Gaza — or more accurately,
the illusion of journalism in Gaza, which is currently operating at the same
level of credibility as a Wikipedia edit made during a meth binge.
You’ve seen the headlines:
Because here’s the uncomfortable truth no one wants to say
on prime-time news: There is no independent press in Gaza.
There is only Hamas — and its vast network of media
operatives who wear press vests like Halloween costumes, carry cameras like
cover, and tweet from encrypted accounts that link back to the Ministry of
Information and Indoctrination (formerly known as “the basement where they
store the rockets”).
In Gaza, becoming a “journalist” is less about ethics,
training, or objectivity, and more about who you pledge allegiance to. The
application process likely includes:
- A
background check (Are you loyal to the resistance?)
- A
writing sample (Praise October 7 or be disappeared)
- A
social media audit (Delete any posts liking Israel or falafel without
tahini)
And once approved? Congrats! You’re now a Gaza-credentialed
journalist, authorized to report on hospital strikes, civilian casualties, and
Israeli “atrocities” — all pre-approved by Hamas censors, of course.
The Martyrdom Industrial Complex: From Jihadist to
“Journalist” in 3 Easy Steps
The tragic deaths of five so-called journalists in a recent
Israeli strike sparked global outrage. Flags were lowered. News anchors wiped
away tears. Hashtags trended.
But here’s the twist: none of them were journalists in any
recognizable sense of the word.
One had a long history of posting about the “glory” of
October 7, calling it “the greatest day of our generation” — which, for a
neutral reporter, is like a firefighter calling arson “a beautiful display of
human ingenuity.”
Another taught “media studies” at a Hamas-run training camp
— which, judging by the curriculum, consisted of:
- How
to frame Israeli strikes to maximize global sympathy
- Where
to stand during bombings to get the best footage
- Why
not to mention that the hospital also stores weapons, hostages, and the
personal diary of Yahya Sinwar
A third was photographed holding a Kalashnikov and
celebrated in a Hamas eulogy as a “mujahideen martyr” — which, last we checked,
is not a Pulitzer category.
And yet, Western news agencies — the same ones that
fact-check whether a politician wore a fake tan — reported them as neutral,
independent journalists, fallen in the line of duty.
It’s like calling a suicide bomber a “messaging specialist”
because he handed out flyers before detonating.
Hamas has perfected the art of narrative warfare — where
every dead operative is rebranded as a peaceful civilian, every rocket launch
is a “response to aggression,” and every press pass is issued by the Ministry
of Psychological Operations.
And the West? We salute the badge without checking the
résumé.
The Western Media: Accidental (or Willing?) Collaborators
And the worst part? Israel plays along.
After the hospital strike, instead of saying, “We
targeted a Hamas surveillance hub embedded in a hospital — a legitimate
military objective,” Prime Minister Netanyahu called it a “tragic mistake.”
By apologizing, Israel handed Hamas a propaganda victory
worth more than a dozen rocket launches.
Trump Comments
(Because in 2025, no war zone is too complex for a 3 a.m.
tweet from Mar-a-Lago)
“So five journalists were killed? Very sad. Very tragic. But
were they really journalists? I have sources. Big sources. And they say they
were bad people. Very bad. Like the fake news, but worse. I would’ve known. I
know journalists. I am the best at media. Nobody knows media like me.”
“And the hospital? Probably full of terrorists. They’re
always in hospitals. Or schools. Or mosques. Always hiding. Very sneaky. But I
would’ve bombed it anyway. Stronger. With bigger bombs. Make rubble bounce.
That’s how you win.”
“And the press? The press in Gaza? They’re not real press.
They’re like CNN — but with more rockets. And worse ratings. Sad!”
“And if they’re all Hamas? Then it’s not a tragedy. It’s a
win. I’ll give medals. To the pilot. And to me. For being right. Again.”
Top Comment Picks:
“If every journalist
in Gaza is also a mujahideen, does that mean their bylines should say
‘@Hamas_Propaganda_Unit’?” — TruthSeeker666, X
“I don’t trust
Hamas. I don’t trust Israel. I don’t trust the UN. At this point, I only
believe news that comes from a raccoon with a GoPro.” — WildlifeWatcher,
Reddit
“So the ‘journalist’
who posted a selfie with Sinwar is mourned as a martyr, but the guy who
reported on corruption in Gaza vanished? That’s not a free press. That’s a
loyalty test with consequences.” — GazaInsider, Substack (anonymous)
“Western media: ‘We
must report both sides!’ Also Western media: publishes every Hamas tweet as
breaking news.” — MediaSkeptic, Instagram
“If Hamas runs the
press, Israel runs the narrative, and the U.S. runs the bombs, who’s left to
tell the truth? Maybe TikTok teens. At least they admit they’re performing.”
— GenZAnalyst, TikTok
Final Thought:
And until the world stops treating Hamas-approved footage as
journalism, and until newsrooms stop publishing stories vetted by terrorists,
we’re not getting news.
We’re getting scripted theater with real bodies.
Next Week on WTF Global Times:
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