👨⚖️Mullahs, Mossad & the Minister’s Kid...
🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: Banned in Tehran, Backstage in Tel Aviv
Iran Just Charged Itself With Treason and Blamed Israel For Knowing Too Much
By: Golan N. Ditch | Senior Analyst, Unauthorized Memeologist
👁️🗨️This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Then we will consider a rebrand to "Wudhu, Treason & Fatwas."
Iran’s Latest National Security Threat: A Tweet
In the Islamic Republic of Iran—where WiFi signals are weaker than their central bank—nothing strikes fear into the hearts of aging clerics more than a well-timed tweet.
This week, the Ayatollahs officially accused Hassan Younesi—lawyer, reformist, and unfortunate offspring of former intel boss Ali Younesi—of committing the unforgivable sin: sounding logical online. But not just that. He is also, allegedly, “supporting the Zionist regime”—a crime punishable by 1 to 99 years of solitary confinement with intermittent Revolutionary Guard PowerPoint presentations.
His actual crime? Pointing out that Mossad agents may have infiltrated Iran deeper than a kebab skewer in a lamb leg. That, and using the word “Israel” without yelling afterward.
A Family Affair: When Dad Built the Spy State, and Son Tweeted Its Secrets
Hassan’s father, Ali Younesi, served as intelligence minister under President Khatami (the only Iranian leader with eyebrows thicker than his domestic surveillance network). Back then, Ali helped build the very systems that now investigate his son. A little poetic, a little Oedipal, and a lot WTF.
Ali once warned in public that “Mossad has infiltrated so deep, every member of the regime should fear for their lives.” That was before Israeli drone strikes started making IRGC meetings look like deleted scenes from Mission: Impossible.
Now his son is accused of “propaganda against the sacred system”—which in Tehran usually means: “He made us look like idiots, and worse, he used logic.”
Actual Charges Against Hassan Younesi (According to Tehran’s Revolutionary Court of Satirical Justice):
-
Posting on X (formerly Twitter, now known in Iran as SatanNet).
-
Strengthening the Zionist regime by writing anything more coherent than Iran’s Friday sermons.
-
Being related to someone who knows too much.
-
Possession of facts with intent to distribute.
-
Failure to chant “Death to Israel” every 48 hours.
Younesi has also been sentenced to three months of social media silence, which in Iran is known as “house arrest, but with vibes.”
Trump Comments (Direct From Mar-a-Lago Falafel Lounge)
“So wait, the son of the spy boss tweets something true and they lock him up? That’s like firing the weatherman for predicting rain in a flood. Very dumb!”
“If Mossad is so deep inside Iran, maybe they’re the ones writing the Ayatollah’s speeches now. Would explain the awkward pauses.”
“We should hire this Younesi kid! Put him on Twitter. Better content than CNN. And not as antisemitic!”
“I told Tehran in 2019: Let your people tweet! They didn’t listen. Now their regime's being out-memed by dissidents with dial-up.”
The Irony Olympics: Tehran Edition
Let’s just review:
-
Iran builds a surveillance state.
-
Iran gets infiltrated by Israeli spies.
-
Iran blames people for talking about the infiltration.
-
Iran arrests a lawyer for admitting what everyone already knows.
-
Iran thinks this stops the infiltration.
That’s like the Titanic blaming the guy who yelled “iceberg” instead of the guy steering the ship into it.
Meanwhile, in Evin Prison: Room Full of “Mossad Agents” Watching Netflix
Following Israel’s surgical strikes on June 12 that turned half of Iran’s uranium scientists into fine powder, the regime went full 1979. Over 700 arrests in a month. Crackdowns across every province. And a new campaign called:
“Operation: If It Breathes, It’s Mossad.”
This includes students, journalists, former officials, stray cats that stared too long at the Supreme Leader’s portrait, and anyone who downloaded VPNs with names like “ZionGuard.”
Top Comment Picks
@Ayatrolla88: “So Hassan gets banned for tweeting, but Khamenei still has a Twitter account? The regime runs on hypocrisy and expired hummus.”
@PersianPunk420: “Wait, is truth now Israeli propaganda? Asking for a million Iranians.”
@HalalHackerMossad: “If you’re reading this, congratulations. You’re now part of the Zionist Regime.”
@ShariaLawdHaveMercy: “Iran’s counterintelligence is like that uncle who blames the dog for farting, while holding a can of beans.”
@VPNayaTollah: “Next week: Iran arrests Google Maps for revealing the location of underground nuclear facilities.”
Final Thought
In 2025, Iran has two big problems:
-
It keeps getting owned by Mossad
-
It keeps blaming the people who notice
When you start charging your own reformist families for “supporting Israel” just because they say out loud what the world already knows, you don’t have a security problem.
You have a WTF identity crisis.
Comments
Post a Comment