🚫✈️“NO VISA FOR YOU!”: Abbas Banned from UN Pizza Party...
🗞️THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES
50% News. 50% Satire. 100% Mayhem.
Trump, Rubio, and a State Department full of red ink pens tell Mahmoud Abbas to stay home — because this year, the General Assembly doesn’t serve terrorism à la carte.
👁️🗨️This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or the PLO tries to pay its UN membership dues in IOUs written on falafel wrappers.
Once upon a UN summit, every leader got a seat.
Yes — in 2025, just weeks before the annual United Nations General Assembly, the United States revoked Abbas’s visa. The Palestinian Authority chief, who usually delivers his speech about “historic injustice” while everyone checks their phones, has been told to sit this one out. His entourage of 80 officials? Also grounded. If this were an airline, it would be called Air Palestine: Cancelled Due to Security Concerns.
The State Department, under Secretary Marco Rubio, declared that the PLO and PA can’t show up at the UN until they stop — minor details here — funding terrorism, inciting children with martyrdom textbooks, and pretending October 7 was “resistance cosplay.”
In plain terms: Washington just handed Abbas a “Do Not Enter” visa stamp so large, you could see it from the Hubble Telescope.
The Abbas Meltdown
Abbas’s office, in full panic mode, declared that the U.S. move would “escalate tensions.” Translation: no speeches, no hotels, no shopping trip to Macy’s. Instead of flying to New York, Abbas now has to livestream his complaints from Ramallah, where even his Wi-Fi occasionally joins Hamas.
European leaders like France, Saudi Arabia, and the EU tut-tutted the U.S., warning that denying Abbas a platform was “dangerous.” But honestly, dangerous to what? The annual tradition of boring everyone into a coma at the General Assembly?
France’s foreign minister declared the UN should be a “neutral sanctuary.” The last time the UN was neutral, Dag Hammarskjöld was still alive. Today, neutrality means giving every dictator a mic and asking them not to scream too loudly about Zionist conspiracies before lunch.
The Logic of the Ban
The U.S. has cited laws requiring that the PLO renounce terrorism before being treated as a “peace partner.” The problem? Abbas hasn’t renounced much, except maybe his credit score. Instead, the PA doubles down — suing Israel at the International Criminal Court, praising Hamas as “brothers in resistance,” and teaching third graders that math problems can be solved by dividing Jews into smaller parts.
In short: if you turn diplomacy into a hostage crisis, don’t expect an invitation to the UN afterparty.
Meanwhile in Gaza
While Abbas cries over visa stamps, Israel designates Gaza City as a combat zone, Hamas threatens to kidnap more soldiers, and the world holds protests against Israel rather than Hamas. It’s like yelling at your neighbor for calling the fire brigade while the arsonist is still roasting marshmallows inside your living room.
And somewhere in this chaos, Abbas still insists he deserves a UN platform to complain that Israel is being “unfair.” But unfair to who? The terrorists holding hostages in tunnels, or the toddlers learning math with martyrdom equations?
Trump Comments
“Abbas — terrible guy, very bad. We revoked his visa. Couldn’t get into the UN. Sad! But honestly, the speeches were boring, folks. Boring. If you want boring, you listen to Joe Biden. If you want leadership, you listen to me.”
“They say Abbas was upset he couldn’t come to New York. Believe me, he should thank me. New York is not safe for him. He would’ve had to stay at the Trump Hotel — beautiful hotel, by the way — but no visa, no room service. That’s how it works.”
“And Rubio did a great job. Marco — little Marco no more! Big Marco now. Tremendous Secretary of State. Much better than Blinken. Blinken cried at meetings, very weak. Marco says: no visa, no falafel. Strong. Very strong.”
Top Comment Picks
“Imagine being banned from the UN. Even North Korea gets to sing karaoke there.” — GlobalSnark42
“This is like banning the drunk uncle from the wedding. The speeches are shorter, everyone feels safer, and nobody misses him.” — PeaceProcessPete
“If Abbas wants to attend the UN, maybe stop paying stipends to terrorists. Just a thought.” — Logic4Hire
“Let’s be honest, the only people upset are the New York hotels that just lost 80 bookings of expensive suites and minibar raids.” — HiltonManager69
“The UN is mad about this? Please. They’d let a raccoon speak if it promised a two-state solution.” — MemeProphet
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