THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES 50% News. 50% Satire. 100% Mayhem. Trump, Rubio, and a State Department full of red ink pens tell Mahmoud Abbas to stay home — because this year, the General Assembly doesn’t serve terrorism à la carte. By: Reverend Cheeseboard McDiplomacy, UN Cafeteria Analyst & Part-Time Shisha Pipe Consultant  & Sister Sarcasma al-Freedom, Chief Visa Denial Correspondent for the People’s Republic of WTF 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or the PLO tries to pay its UN membership dues in IOUs written on falafel wrappers. Once upon a UN summit, every leader got a seat. Except this time, Mahmoud Abbas got the diplomatic equivalent of a “No Entry” sign slapped on his forehead. Yes — in 2025, just weeks before the annual United Nations General Assembly, the United States revoked Abbas’s visa. The Palestinian Authority chief, who usually delivers his s...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Explosive Irony Gaza’s most mysterious masked spokesperson may have faced his last cliffhanger episode — but in this region, spin-offs always return, sometimes with worse ratings. By: Sheikh Sarcasm bin Irony, Senior Analyst in Masked Theater Studies  & Rabbi LOLstein, Adjunct Professor of Rocket Science & Satire 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it… or unless Abu Obaida livestreams his hostage lectures with a TikTok filter. In the grand, bizarre circus of Middle Eastern geopolitics, one character has played his role with almost Shakespearian absurdity: Abu Obaida, the Hamas spokesman who speaks like Darth Vader, hides like Waldo, and dresses like a discount Che Guevara. Israel says it may have finally targeted him in Gaza City’s Rimal neighborhood — a precision strike so calculated it could double...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES 50% News. 50% Satire. 100% Mayhem. Because life is basically a divine sitcom with bad writers. From BYU flashbacks to Facebook confessions, one small act of kindness spirals into a global comment war about God, karma, hugs, and why waiters shouldn’t grope your wife. By: Reverend Sister Mary WTF of the Perpetual Sarcasm Order, Keeper of the Holy Side-Eye  & Dr. Karmageddon Chopra, Professor of Cosmic IOUs at the University of Eternal Receipts 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Or unless somebody trademarks “Karma Prime: Same-Day Blessings.” Once upon a bank line, a girl with a Mason jar of coins became the unwilling star of a feel-good story that instantly mutated into an internet theology brawl. A kind man gave her $50. Later, he received a $50 tip. “Karma!” he cried. “Divine blessing!” shouted others. “Attention-seeking humblebrag!” ye...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES 50% News. 50% Satire. 100% Mayhem. When Freeing the Innocent Requires Fewer Marches Against the Wrong Country By: Sister Mary WTF of the Perpetual Sarcasm Order, Chief Hostage Logic Officer  & Professor Bingo McIrony, Chair of Global Stupidity Studies 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Or unless Hamas adds it to their next recruitment poster, which—let’s face it—they probably will. Here’s the million-dollar, Nobel-Prize-for-Common-Sense question nobody dares to ask at the UN cafeteria: Why on earth does the global youth movement, college protestors, TikTok influencers, and random Europeans with megaphones spend endless weekends screaming “Down with Israel” instead of “Hey Hamas, let the kidnapped civilians go”? It’s like staging a climate rally against wind turbines while ExxonMobil is grilling dolphins in the parking lot. The Hostag...

 🗞️ THE WTF GLOBAL TIMES News: 50% | Satire: 50% | Vibes: 100% Press Pass to Nowhere Because when every journalist in Gaza has a Kalashnikov in one hand and a press badge in the other, it’s not reporting — it’s cosplay with casualties. In a war where the truth is the first casualty, the second is the press badge, the third is journalistic ethics, and the fourth is your ability to tell who’s reporting the news and who’s planning the next rocket launch. By: Marty McBias, Chief Disinformation Correspondent & Former War Reporter (Self-Declared)  & Anchorman von Propaganda, Senior Analyst of Things That Sound True Until You Think About Them 👁️‍🗨️ This Blog uses WTF strictly in the context of: Weird, True & Freaky. Not as profanity. Unless the Ayatollahs start tweeting it. Or if a press conference ends with a suicide vest detonation. Which, honestly, would make post-interview Q&As a lot shorter. The Great Gaza Media Mix-Up — When “Reporting Li...